Forgotten Snowflakes
by LethanWolf
Summary: Ichigo Kurosaki died in the final war and now his friends must go and find him. What he doesn't remember won't hurt him right? Until Rangiku convinces him that he used to be Toshiros boyfriend. Toshiro/Ichigo pairing.
1. Finding a lost strawberry

**A huge thank you to everyone who read and reviewed Youtubefully Yours! It means a lot to me =D if you're into straight pairings please check out my combine fic with Geishaaa called 'Mind of an Ice Princess' where I tell a love story between Rukia and Toshiro from Rukias perspective and then follow on to read Geishaaa's fic ' Mind of an Ice Prince' told from Toshiros perspective.**

 **Forgotten Snowflakes was the most voted for fic on the poll I put up ages ago so without further ado here you all go!**

 **XxXxX**

His eyes glossed over the page and read the same sentence for the eighth time in a row. This was ridiculous and he knew he couldn't concentrate. He'd never _ever_ fallen behind on paperwork before and though he wasn't falling behind on it now he was only a couple of days ahead of schedule as opposed to a couple of weeks like normal. He lowered his brush onto the table and brought a hand up to rub his temples. No one _expected_ him to hand everything in early. Actually Head Captain Kyoraku normally scolded him for it because it meant he had to do his work weeks in advance too. He'd told everyone after the war to take a breather and to rest and recover strength but that was not what was bothering Toshiro.

Ichigo had died during the war. Though he wasn't there to witness it, it had been traumatic. The only salvation for all of his friends and family was that he would become a soul reaper. However the strawberry had not shown face quite yet. Head Captain Kyoraku had rejected requests to send soldiers and friends out into the Rukon district to search for him. This had been met as a bit of a shock by all Captains though Head Captain Kyoraku had his reasons.

' _Ichigo is strong, when he wants us to find him, he'll make his presence known.'_

That was Head Captains final words on the matter. It had been nearly two months now and no one had seen head nor tail of him. Not a single strand of strawberry blond hair was left anywhere for them to find. Toshiro was now beginning to worry… that what if he'd gotten trapped into some kind of alternative dimension. He had been fighting with a Quincy and when struck with a killing blow the souls wouldn't be recycled like they normally would. Though he was informed it was not a blow from a Quincy Arrow that killed him he was having his doubts on the source. The strawberry blond should be here by now.

That probably brings up the question of; why does he care so much? Toshiro picked the brush back up in his hand even though the ink on it had dried out over an hour ago and began to chew on the end of it – a disgusting habit really. Why did he care? He didn't. Not really, not in the way people may think he cared. He and Ichigo were not _friends._ He just, admired the strawberry was all? He was strong, loyal, and dependable and had helped Toshiro many times. Maybe that did make them friends? More than anything Toshiro missed his company. When he came to the soul society to visit it would not be without stopping by to see him. He'd lounge around in the office and gossip nonsense with Rangiku. The two strawberry blonds got on very well together and Toshiro often joked it was because of their matching hair colour. All joking aside Toshiro enjoyed listening into his conversations with Rangiku, they'd mostly gossip, or she would but Ichigo would talk about his school work and what he was studying, the new people he'd met, the latest hallow he'd killed and even open up about what it felt like to be part hallow. He always had something interesting going on in his life and though you'd expect that to distract Toshiro from his work it actually aided it. He'd give himself little breaks to listen to what Ichigo was saying allowing him the rest he needed to work more fully when the substitute was gone. Toshiro had recently started to look for excused to _not_ work when Ichigo came into the office.

He'd go about and make them all a pot of tea while listening to him, a couple of times he was sure he'd caught Ichigo staring at him. Though what else was new? He turned heads wherever he went. The little freak with the white hair and teal eyes. Perhaps that was another reason why he had developed such a close bond to Rangiku, prior to Ichigo she had been one of the only people around with hair that colour and it made Toshiro feel less alone. There was always Jushiro too but he was older and a very well respected Captain loved by everyone. So he never got funny looks.

'Captain?' Toshiro glanced up to see Rangiku sitting on the couch with a folder in her hands. She wasn't fooling him, he could clearly see the glossy cover of the magazine poking out from the side of the folder. 'Are you alright?'

'Yes why?'

'You're about to eat that brush,' she smiled at him and he sighed and put it down again. He gazed out across the desk and he knew that her eyes were focused on him. 'Are you thinking about Ichigo?' she deduced and he tried not to scowl. It was amazing how easily she could read and understand the simple little change in his body language.

'What if Head Captain was wrong?' he mumbled, 'what if Kurosaki was hit by a Quincy Arrow and that's why he's not shown up in Rukon yet?'

'Why do you care so much? I always got the sense you didn't particularly like Ichigo?' she had sighed and closed over her folder (read; 'magazine') before stretching out on the couch.

'Why do you not care more?' he scowled at her, trying to reverse the question back and redirect attention away from a question he absolutely couldn't answer.

'Because I trust that he's here, I don't know. I can just feel it.' She always spoke about her 'womanly instincts' and it bugged the shit out of him. Every time she was right it was because of these instincts every time she was wrong it was because of stress and it was always _his_ fault for overworking her. 'You didn't answer my question.'

She'd noticed.

'Because I don't know how to answer it, is it wrong for me to care that he has a family and friends waiting to known if he's okay?' He growled and pulled another stack of files towards him from across the desk. 'Excuse me for not being totally heartless.'

'So you do care about him?'

'I care about you and I know you're good friends with him. I care that Arabai and Kuchiki are worried sick, I care that _our_ old Captain is worried too.'

'So you do care about him?'

'You're impossible.'

'Why is it so difficult to admit?' she smiled across to him, 'you always came across as a bit of an ass to him and I think he just really looked up to you – metaphorically speaking of course.'

'Another height joke, like those never get old.' He rolled his eyes at her and she grinned.

'Stop avoiding the topic of conversation.'

'I'm not avoiding, I'm just not that interested. Kurosaki should look up to me, I'm a Captain.' He knew it sounded big headed saying it but it gave him some kind of satisfaction to watch Rangiku roll her eyes. She was aware she wasn't getting anything from him. Ichigo was a kind soul and everything Toshiro had said had been true, he wasn't sure what else Rangiku wanted from him.

They lapsed back into a silence where Rangiku picked up the file containing her magazine and continued to read and Toshiro continued to stare at the paperwork in front of him. Not really reading it and he realised it was futile attempting to do anything more that day. He glanced towards Hyorinmaru who was leaning against the edge of the desk and was wondering if it were worth going out to train to try and take his mind off things when a black fluttering caught his eye. He turned in the direction of the hell butterfly and frowned. It was rare to see the butterflies since the fall of Central 46. On instinct he held his finger out and as it landed it relayed the message for him. An orange haired soul with immense spiritual pressure had been sighted out in the South Rukon district, the co-ordinates were relayed and Toshiro picked Hyorinmaru up to sling him onto his back.

'Is it Ichigo?' Rangiku asked standing up and he nodded.

'There has been a sighting out in Inuzuri,' he commented.

'Isn't that where Rukia and Renji came from?' she straightened up and followed silently behind him as they left the office.

'I believe so, I think that they too will be sent to try and find him. Anyone who knows him will be instructed to try and bring him here.' They effortlessly fell into pace beside each other as they used shunpo across the buildings. It did not take long before they were joined by others as they neared the gate.

'Rukia! Renji!' Rangiku called happily as the other two seated officers bounded from roof to roof.

'It's about time the bloody bastard showed up,' Renji scoffed and there was the sound of a breath being sucked in through a pair of teeth.

'Renji you can't speak like that in front of a Captain,' Rukia said and Toshiro smiled to himself. At least one of them had proper respect for authority.

'I'm not it's just Toshiro, to hell if he cares.'

Quick mouthed bastard.

'Someday Arabai, I will remind you why I am a Captain. However for just now we have orders to fulfil.' That seemed to stop the majority of conversation though he was still aware of them talking in hushed voices behind his back. He gritted his teeth and tried his best to ignore them, he was used to people doing it to him anyway.

Once they landed in Inuzuri district of Rukon they decided to break off and search alone, the signal being to raise their spiritual pressure if one of them found him. Toshiro stood on a perch as high as he could get, his teal eyes scanning quickly for any sign of a flash of orange. At one point he thought he saw it from the corner of his eye and he burled around – his heart hammering – only to realise it had been Rangiku. The sudden excitement was misplaced and he wasn't even sure where it had come from to begin with. As Rangiku had already mentioned to him, he was hardly that fond of the lanky substitute.

 **xXxXx**

 **Flashback**

 **xXxXx**

'Toshiro won't you take a break and sit with us?' an exasperated sigh came from the couch of his office.

'Captain Hitsugaya,' Toshiro corrected automatically, though at this point it was a redundant statement spoken on pure impulse. He never actually intended for the Strawberry to call him it.

'Won't you take a break and sit with us?' he repeated and Toshiro was sure the boy had rolled his eyes even though he wasn't watching him.

'As a Captain I am far too busy, please proceed with your useless… what did you call it?' he glanced up to lock eyes with the substitute who grinned broadly.

'Banter?'

'Yes that,' Toshiro brought his eyes back down to the page sitting on his desk begging his attention. He signed it off after giving it a through read through and placed it onto a stack to his right, enjoying the short lived silence as it hung over them.

'Captain you really should take a break,' the sound of a magazine being ruffled draw his eyes for a moment and he scowled at his lieutenant.

'Do you ever do any of the work I pay you to do?' he narrowed his eyes at her and she grinned at him.

'Well Captain, as our division gets a lot of its work on the field of the human world, I decided it's my job to keep up to date with everything going on it so when we go we can blend in. Ichigo is helping me with research, besides if I didn't do any research you'd think it was completely appropriate to wear a kilt in Japan.'

Ichigo burst out laughing and Toshiro scowled and felt heat creep up his face as he glared back down at his paper in front of him. The stupid substitute waved his arms wildly in the air as he cackled.

'Wait what?' he asked turning back to Rangiku as Toshiro tried to glare at them from his peripheral vision.

'Yes, Captain Kurotsuchi keeps a lot of human clothing for the gigai to wear when we take our missions down to the human world. If it were not for me he'd have gone down to Karakura Town in a kilt and minion styled childrens t shirt.'

'That's just-' Ichigo was hysterical and Toshiro was gritting his teeth to try and stop his spiritual pressure from freezing them on the spot.

'Don't even get me started on the dungarees fiasco.'

'Did he plan on wearing the kilt traditionally?' Ichigo asked after he had calmed down a little. He seemed a little eager as he asked the question and Toshiro had absolutely no idea what he was referring too. Apparently neither did Rangiku.

'What do you mean?' she asked, leaning forward just as Toshiro glanced back over to them.

'Well,' he was grinning now but thankfully he was looking at Rangiku. 'Normally kilts are worn, with nothing underneath.'

'You mean like-?'

'Commando? Yes,' he laughed and Rangiku giggled girlishly on the couch as they both glanced over at him. He scowled at them. He still had no idea what they were referring too.

'Look you can either explain what you mean or do some damn work,' he snapped at her as she pursed her lips and used a magazine to try and cover the lower part of her face. Her massive baby blue eyes never left his.

'Oh Captain, you're so innocent.'

'What the hell does that mean?' he threw his hands up in the air and huffed in defeat.

'It means you suit that teal scarf Toshiro-' Ichigo started.

'It's Captain Hitsugaya.'

'Did you buy it for him Rangiku?' the strawberry turned back towards her and she grinned.

'Yes I did, I thought it highlighted his eyes.' They both turned to look at him again and Toshiro just ignored them in favour of doing what he was paid to do. Their 'banter' soon drifted off into the background somewhere as he worked and he was beginning to get giddy with the amount of progress he was making when a cup of tea being placed on the desk distracted him. He didn't look at it at first until someone cleared their throat.

'Yes Kurosaki?' he asked, perhaps a little harsher than intended.

'I made you tea,' his voice sounded kind and maybe even a little hopeful?

'So I see.'

'You could at least say thank you,' he sounded deflated and Toshiro sighed loudly not looking at him.

'Thank you.'

Ichigo stood still, his shadow disrupting the ambiance of his desk as Toshiro did his best to ignore him in favour of working. Then there was a small sigh and he moved away, finally allowing a decent amount of light back into his work space and restoring the feng shui of his desk.

 **xXxXx**

 **End of flashback**

 **xXxXx**

Reflecting back on Ichigos numerous visits, Rangiku had been correct in stating that he had never really been warm to the strawberry. Then again Toshiro wasn't a _warm_ person, not to anyone except Rangiku and she knew that. Anytime he was upset it would always be Rangiku he would turn too, he didn't want to bother anyone else and he figured she got paid for not doing anything anyway. Sometimes he didn't understand why certain things affected him. Sometimes she understood more than he did, an example of that was when Momo passed away. Killed by his blade because of Aizen, it had been the first time ever that Toshiro remembered crying. Rangiku hadn't said anything, she just caught him after Aizen was dead and pulled him into her side as he tried to squirm to get away from her. Then he'd felt the tears coming and before he knew it, he'd totally melted down. Only Rangiku ever saw him as anything other than the cold invincible Captain of ice.

His thoughts were getting away with him and he realised he'd actually stopped looking for the young boy they were here to find. He turned his head this way and that again and decided to try his luck down on the ground where he could perhaps speak to people. He chose a spot where he was sure he hadn't seen any of the others pass by.

'Excuse me sir,' he asked an older looking man with a grey beard.

'Oh now, a Captain,' he chuckled, 'what can I do for you?'

'I am looking for a tall, young looking man with bright orange hair and incredible spiritual pressure.' Toshiro quirked a brow at the man, it wasn't a standard thing to be looking for really and recognition dawned on the older mans face.

'Say now, you wouldn't be talking about the guy who blew up my roof would you?' he pointed to the building they were standing out of where a huge hole had been taken out the corner of the building.

'Likely so, yes.'

'Are you here to arrest him? He stole some food and took off, didn't even offer to pay me or anything,' he sighed and Toshiro frowned. He knew how difficult life could be out here.

'Did you see where he went?'

'Yeah he ran down that way towards the big old lake, I'd have run after him only I got my baby inside.' As he said it a tiny girl who looked only a few years old turned her head around the corner to see what was happening.

'Thank you, I am sorry for the inconvenience,' Toshiro pulled money out of his pocket, enough to compensate the man for the food, the roof and a little extra.

'Oh here now, thank you very much! You have a wonderful day now, good luck arresting that hooligan.' He made his way back inside where the young girl was and Toshiro turned on his heel and made his way towards the lake. At least he had spotted something useful while being perched on top of the rooftops. The lake was easy enough to find, the surface scintillated beautifully in the sun and was eye catching enough on its own. Toshiro made his way down, noticing the number of thatched houses around its bank with poorly constructed roofs and partially dressed souls living inside. He squinted his eyes searching for a sign of something orange when he spotted it in the distance lying down in the grass in front of the lake. He quickened his pace, skirting around the edge of the water while he tried to work out what to say.

Being approached by someone you knew after you'd died was a horrible experience. Running up to the strawberry and telling him he had a family and friends and they all knew him would be completely overwhelming, after all when souls came here they usually retained no memories of who they were before except their names. As he drew closer he could clearly make the boy out. He was wearing a set of dark brown rags, a pair of short shorts was a common thing to see and on anyone else they'd have looked normal. As it were, Ichigo was insanely tall and his legs looked even longer than normal cast out naked on the grass and not hidden away in a pair of jeans or a shihakusho. Toshiro noticed that the boy wasn't as 'lanky' as he'd thought, he'd bulked up quite a lot and his legs were rippled with muscles, his bare feet were crossed at the ankles as he lay with his head resting on folded arms.

'Kuorsaki?' Toshiro started, clearing his throat and stopping in the grass a respectable distance away.

'Who's asking?'

'I am Toshiro Hitsugaya of the 13th court guard squad, you're to come with me back to the Seireitei where we'd like to have a conversation with you. Toshiro tried to keep his voice placid of any emotion and at the mention of Toshiros name the strawberry finally opened a large brown eye to gaze at him. There was no sign of recognition dawning on his face which meant that the boy really had truly lost his memories.

'No thanks.'

'It wasn't a request.'

'Well I decline anyway.'

'Please don't make this difficult,' Toshiro sighed as he crossed his arms. 'I'd hate to take you in by force.'

'You?' Ichigo sneered, his eyes opening fully and he sat up laughing, 'you're tiny. You couldn't take me anywhere.'

Toshiro frowned, he wasn't sure if he liked this new version of the boy, he seemed a little too smug and a bit of a pompous asshole. At least before Ichigo may not have called him by his appropriate title but he'd have never doubted his skills just based on height.

'You know, judging a warrior by his height is the fastest way to getting yourself hurt Kurosaki,' Toshiro frowned, 'perhaps you'd like to come with me just now and we can make this less awkward, I'd hate to have to drag you back on a medical stretcher.'

'Oh,' he sneered again and stood up, towering over Toshiro who did not flinch and kept his gaze fixed firmly on the strawberry. 'Just try it short stuff.'

Toshiro brought Hyorinmaru around so fast it would have been a blur to even the most well trained soul reaper. However as this was the famous substitute Ichigo Kurosaki, Hyorinmaru was blocked instantly and expertly by Zangetsu. Shock flashed briefly on Toshiros face, he'd managed to retain his zanpakuto after he died. It made sense, Toshiro considered, though it may have been an unusual case they'd never know considering there was no humans who ever had a zapakuto before. After the blades met Ichigo drove Toshiro back and the Captain leapt gracefully out of the way of his counter. Toshiro had not been aiming to actually hit the substitute, only to scare him and prove he was being serious. Their clashing blades had now drawn the attention of the locals who were chatting excitedly behind Toshiro. The two shinigami now stood facing each other.

'Going to have to do a lot better than that if you want to bring me in,' Ichigo chuckled pointing his blade at Toshiro as the Captain frowned. He really didn't want to fight him, he only wanted him to cooperate. However telling him about his past with so many others around them was not the most sensitive way of delivering the information.

'Please Kurosaki, I don't want to fight you.' Toshiro tried to convey his emotions just through a glance, 'I don't want to hurt you. I only want to talk away from everyone else.'

'I don't care what you have to say,' he snapped back and Toshiro flinched.

'This isn't like you.'

'You speak as if you know me.'

'I do,' he replied and Ichigo froze. Toshiro straightened up and placed Hyorinmaru back on his back. 'I do know you or rather… I did. The Kurosaki I knew was more respectable than this. Does the prospect of knowing about whom you once were not entice you enough to come with me?'

Ichigo stood frozen as he tried to digest his words, his jaw had locked and his dark brown eyes were glancing across Toshiros form when the others arrived. One by one, Toshiro felt them land behind him. They did not speak nor step forward for they could see that Toshiro was handling the situation and he would call upon their help only if he required it.

'You knew me?' he asked, his eyes glancing back to the people standing behind Toshiro.

'We all did,' the Captain replied waving to the people behind him. 'This is not an arrest Kurosaki, we are your friends and colleagues and we came to take you away from here so you can live and train with us where you can see your family again.'

Once again the strawberry continued to stare at them, as if trying to understand what he was saying was true. He regarded him fully and Toshiro felt self conscious under his gaze, he'd never felt scrutinized by the substitute before and yet here he was standing up a little straighter because of the way the strawberry's eyes glanced over him. He fixed his face with his best 'no nonsense' look that he usually gave to Rangiku when another voice piped in.

'Please Ichigo, we want you to come back with us.' It was Rukia and his eyes now flew to her as he regarded her. Toshiro felt himself relax internally as Zangetsu was slowly lowered. Though he hadn't actually thought that Ichigo would attack, it made him nervous to have such a powerful zanpakuto pointed at him, especially when its wielder was just as fast and as strong as a Captain, perhaps even more so.

'I'll make you a deal,' Ichigo finally slung the zanpakuto around and placed it back on his back. Toshiro had to wonder where he'd been keeping it while lying on the grass. 'I'll come with you all,' he was smirking now and Toshiro narrowed his eyes at him, not quite sure where this was going. 'If you… _catch me.'_ He bolted off, so fast he must have been using shunpo. Toshiro took a moment to let his mouth fall comically open as he stared at the spot where the strawberry had just disappeared between two buildings. It seemed they were all completely in shock as Toshiro turned to face them all - scowl in place.

'Err, Captain?' Rangiku asked and his scowl deepened.

'After him, take him by force if you have to.' As soon as he'd said it they all took off in different directions, Toshiro gave them a few moments before joining in this ludicrous game. He didn't have time for this crap. He had far too much paperwork sitting back at his desk to do. If the strawberry didn't want to come back why on earth should they go out of their way to force him? This was incredibly childish but it didn't seem like the lieutenants agreed. Actually once Toshiro passed Renji and Rukia the two seemed to be laughing and having fun, which just made Toshiro scowl more. This was ridiculous. He bounded from roof to roof, following the tuft of orange hair that was bobbing in and out the allies of the buildings. He could have at least covered his hair to try and make this a harder game and as they were all travelling from the rooftops it was making it almost too easy to catch up on the boy. He really had no idea who he was messing with. There was a strong urge to call fourth Hyorinmaru to cage Ichigo in a wall of ice and shut the damn asshole up but alas he was worried about how many buildings he'd ruin in the process. He'd only brought so much money with him to properly compensate people for damages. After a few more minutes of giving chase, Toshiro started to get royally pissed off. He flushed his shunpo with his spiritual pressure in a final bound and crashed down onto the strawberrys back from behind. With a yelp he fell harshly against the dirt ridden floor before being promptly turned and pinned by Toshiro. Hyorinmaru was placed directly at his throat and he glared into those dark brown eyes.

'I am not here to play your childish games Kurosaki,' he snapped, 'you can either come back with me or I can end your life and have you sent to be reborn in the world of the living right now.' He pressed his blade further into Ichigos neck and watched those large brown eyes widen in fear. 'Which would you like it to be?'

'Fine, okay, alright!' his voice had risen a few octaves and it was clear he was scared, 'I'll come with you. Sheesh, you need to liven up a little Toshiro.'

'It's Captain Hitsugaya,' he snapped at him. His legs on either side of the younger boys body as he kept him firmly in place on the mudded floor.

'Alright, sorry Captain,' his eyes went wide and he held up his hands in a sign of defeat. 'Let me go?'

Toshiro pushed himself up off the boy and watched as he scrambled to his feet. The lieutenants were watching from the rooftops as Toshiro kept Hyorinmaru pointing directly at the ex substitute.

'I'll lead the way back,' Rangiku spoke up, she looked a little amused but said nothing more as Ichigo followed behind them across the rooftops back in the direction of Seireitei.

'Hey,' Ichigo said and Toshiro glanced up to see that the boy was trying to get Rangikus attention. His busty blond lieutenant turned back towards him, one of her charming grins in place on her face. 'You have the same hair colour as me.'

'Yeah I do,' she chuckled, 'you're very observant.'

'No one else around here has it, that's pretty cool. Hey did we know each other?' he continued.

'Yes we did, we were really good friends Ichigo,' her smile faltered a little before sliding off her face. It must have been difficult for your friend to forget who you were.

'How good?' he asked and Toshiro frowned. He didn't like the way that Ichigo had worded that question.

'We were fairly close,' she chuckled back and Toshiro narrowed his eyes at her.

'Did I ever kiss you?' he asked and Toshiro almost slipped on a tile as they leapt to another roof.

'No, you didn't.' She seemed a little amused now and a silence that followed these words. From Toshiros peripheral vision he could see Rukia and Renji exchange glances to each other.

'That's a pity,' he sighed back eventually, 'I should have. You are really attractive.' Toshiros mouth fell open and he scowled again. He felt a horrible feeling bubbling in his chest. No one spoke to Rangiku like that and he certainly didn't want this stupid strawberry thinking it was in anyway appropriate.

'Kurosaki if you know your place you will not hit on _my_ lieutenant.' He hissed and he heard Rangiku chuckle as she turned to focus back on their journey.

'Oh sorry Captain, did you call dibs?' he asked turning his head back around to smirk at him. 'I'd have thought you were a little short for her.'

'If I cut you at your knees you'll be my height and we'll see what you think about it then shall we?' he snapped back and watched the amusement flash across Ichigos stupid face.

'Don't flirt with your lieutenant, got it.'

They continued travelling in relative silence for a while longer after this exchange, everyone else seemed amused. Toshiro was still seething and tossing glares at the back of the smug gits stupid head of short ginger spikes. Toshiro found if he ground his teeth it stopped him from saying anything he may otherwise regret but he wasn't sure how effective it would be if Ichigo made another move on Rangiku.

'Where will I be staying?' Ichigo asked after a while.

'Well I'll ask my brother,' Rukia said and then she hesitated, 'but I don't think he'll like you staying with us. He has such respect for you Ichigo but you piss him off.'

'I do?' he asked, his voice amused again as he turned to Rukia. 'How so?'

'Your blatant lack of respect for Captains,' Toshiro hissed, drawing his attention.

'What? Am I meant to bow when I see you or something?'

'Yes.'

'That won't happen,' he threw back his head and laughed that stupid condescending laugh of his.

'That rules me out too,' Renji stated with a sigh, 'since I stay in the barracks of the same squad.'

'He could stay with us, right Captain?' Rangiku said and Ichigo turned to him with large hopeful eyes.

'Absolutely not.'

'Why not?' she sounded abashed as she turned back to pout at him.

'You hardly get any work done when he isn't here, let alone when he used to visit. We won't be housing him in our quarters.'

'We could just put him in the barracks with the other officers and make him do work? No point in sending him to the academy.'

'He still has a lot he could actually learn by attending, including kido.' Toshiro pointed out and Rangiku frowned.

'Now those kids don't even have a zanpakuto yet, at least half of them anyway. He has bankai, you'd be putting the lives of a lot of students at risk just because you were worried about us talking too much. What if I promised to only see him after working hours?' she asked and Ichigo grinned in a way that made Toshiro hate that idea even more.

'It would be good for him Captain,' Rukia said and Toshiro turned to stare at her. 'For him to stay with people who know him well, since he cannot stay with us you and Rangiku were the other closest people he had.'

'I was never close to him,' Toshiro scowled and turned back to see Ichigo looking away quickly. 'Though you're right,' he sighed after a while. 'No distracting my lieutenant Kurosaki you hear?' he snapped at the boys back and frowned to himself. He could find enough training work for him to do to ensure he was kept busy.

The group eventually made it back into the Seireitei where Ichigo gazed around him in wonder. They paused just beyond the gate for Renji and Rukia to break away and report back to Byakuya who had asked for a personal report. Once she reported there she was going to head back to her squad to speak to a very sick Captain Ukitake and let him know that Ichigo had been found safely. No doubt Ichigo would have a lot of visitors while he was here.

'So I'm coming with you?' Ichigo asked with a smile towards them and Toshiro sighed.

'Yes it would seem so,' he knew that Head Captain Kyoraku would agree with this arrangement and actually if Toshiro hadn't suggested it he was sure that the Head Captain himself would have. So there was no point in denying the fact that they now had a new member of squad 10.

'I can teach him Kido,' Rangiku squealed and Toshiro scowled.

'No, I think it best he gets those lessons from Rukia, she's much better at it than you are.' He frowned and she scowled at him.

'Are you going to let us spend _any_ time together Captain?'

'Maybe, if you get all your work done Matsumoto, then you two could spend some time together.' Though he wasn't thrilled at the prospect he could always use with a carrot to dangle in front of her to make her do her work, or rather – a strawberry.

'Alright, that seems fair,' she grinned a little and he didn't like the sparkle in her eye.

'He's staying in the barracks with everyone else though,' he said eventually. The barracks were away from the living quarters of the seated officers of a division and it meant he'd be able to monitor the amount of contact the two had.

'That's fine, but shouldn't we fill him in?' Rangiku asked and Toshiro checked a clock on one of the side of the buildings. He had loads of paperwork he had hoped to have done by now.

'I tell you what, you take him away to get a uniform and a decent meal and fill him in on everything you remember of him and his life and I'll meet you back in the office in no less than three hours. Understand?'

Her eyes sparkled with mischief.

'Perfectly.'

Somehow he wasn't convinced.

 **XxXxX**

 **My updates for this one might not be as regular as other fics, I'm going to try and space my uploads more since I'm now writing 3 fics and living a life haha. Either way please review and let me know that you're following it. It would make me happy and a review is free, you don't even need an account.**

 **Thanks guys!**


	2. Keep IT away from me

**I'd just like to say a massive thank you to Nico Zi, ShiroShipShipShip, Gieshaaa and the Guest who reviewed my last chapter!**

 **Guys a warning for this chapter, there is a lot of mention of male body parts in this one but it's not sexual. If that makes you uncomfortable please leave now, this fic isn't for you if you cannot take a joke.**

 **There is also use of a swear word or two… again for comical effect.**

 **XxXxX**

Toshiro thought he'd be feeling a little better about the entire situation once he returned home. He picked up paperwork from his office and headed back to his personal living quarters. It was more spacious than the office and he could open his back doors and have the cold evening air invade the room. He used small paperweights so nothing would flutter off his home desk. He was trying to focus on this page of writing in front of him. It should be easy now Ichigo was back and safe. So why couldn't he focus? He gave an infuriated sigh and stood up to make some tea. He should have been finished his work by now, it was nearly 8pm in the evening and almost all other Captains would likely be off enjoying their own private time.

'Just one more report,' he promised himself, 'one more and then I can relax for the evening.' He poured himself his cup of tea and took it back to the desk as he gazed down at the work. His eyes read over the first line and then the second and the third. Why was Ichigo flirting with Rangiku? He'd never done that before? His eyes skimmed the fourth line. Why was he such an arrogant idiot, forgetting ones memories shouldn't alter entire personality traits? His eyes glossed over the fifth line. Or was it just that he'd always been a bit mean and he'd been suppressing it? His eyes glossed over the twelfth line and he realised he had no idea what the last ten lines had said. This was ridiculous. He shoved the documents away from him and bit the inside of his cheek.

He wanted to speak to someone about it but Rangiku was off filling Ichigo in on his life, likely over some alcohol which wouldn't really help him remember much. Toshiro lifted a small hand and ran it vigorously down his face.

'Perhaps there's another reason why you're upset young Master?' a voice growled from the back of his head.

'What do you mean Hyorinmaru?' Toshiro asked the dragon.

'Well perhaps Ichigo was a friend and you're now upset he cannot remember you?' the ice dragon tried.

'No,' he thought it rather quickly and he could feel the dragons' amusement despite him not saying anything.

'Why is it difficult Master?' he spoke again after a long period of silence, 'to admit that you have a friendship with someone?'

'Because we've never had friends,' Toshiro pointed out, reminding the dragon of all the times back in Rukon where people had run away from him because of his hair and his eyes.

'Yes perhaps but,' the dragon presented counter images, images of Rangiku making him laugh and smile, images of when Ichigo had done something that Toshiro had found funny or cute. Such as the time back in the world of the living he'd taken them ice skating and proved to be fairly useless at it himself. Toshiro smiled fondly as the dragon continued, there had been a time Renji had bought him a corn dog and though Toshiro hated non organic foods he'd found himself drawn to the unusual American snack that they'd all discovered. There was the time in the summer when he'd been really ill that Captains Ukitake and Captain Kyoraku had got him two massive tubs of vanilla ice cream. The images were comforting and amongst them all Ichigos face seemed to come up more and more as time went on.

'Perhaps we didn't have friends,' the great ice dragon said, 'but we do now.'

'Maybe,' Toshiro muttered but he was smiling fondly as he replayed scenes of his time spent in each persons company. He'd always been so work focused that it usually took Rangiku or Ichigo to encourage him to live in the moment and relax.

'Thank you Hyorinmaru,' Toshiro muttered out loud to the cold room. The dragon purred contently and ebbed away into the back of his mind. Ichigo had become a friend to him and even though he'd never properly vocalised it he realised that he was still worried for his friend. That his friend had forgotten him, had forgotten the good times and that's what was distracting him from his work. He placed it to the side and stretched out. He couldn't complete this report without the counterpart anyway and that was back in his office. He decided to spend the rest of his night curled up in bed with a fiction book that they'd brought back from the world of the living called Lord of the Rings. Somewhere between the Dead Marshes and Mordor is where Toshiro fell asleep, his hands losing grip on his book as he slumped against his pillows.

The next morning Toshiro had perked up a little. He got up bright and early and walked around getting changed. Picking up his reports and removing the paperweights he made his way back towards his office. He'd finish the paperwork there.

'Toshiro!' a voice called out to him and he paused as he turned to see Captain Ukitake coming over to him, he was one of the only people other than Head Captain who called him by his first name. Then there were the occasional disrespectful people such as Renji who did it too but that'd stop once Toshiro frosted him over.

'Yes Captain Ukitake?' he asked pausing in his steps as the sickly man caught up with him.

'Rukia spoke to me last night about Ichigo,' he coughed a little and Toshiro waited before he continued. 'How are you doing?'

'What do you mean?' Toshiro was confused, why was the Captain asking how he was? Surely he should have been asking how Ichigo was.

'It must have been difficult,' he smiled a knowing smile at Toshiro which just made the smaller male even more confused, 'to realise that Ichigo had forgotten everyone.'

'Well I am sure it must have been worse with Rangiku, Rukia and Renji, they knew him better than I,' Toshiro said, his brow still furrowed.

'Yes true,' Captain Ukitake still seemed to be reluctant to ask about Ichigo. 'So you're doing okay?'

'O-of course I am,' Toshiro scowled at him.

'Alright, I just wanted to make sure. How is Ichigo doing?'

'That should have been your question from the beginning Captain,' Toshiro frowned but otherwise shook his head, unable to comprehend his mentors strange questions. 'I am unsure how he is, I was hoping to find him today and see if he's settled down.'

'Well then don't let me keep you. If there's anything I can do to help with anything, please let me know.' The Captain gave him a charming smile and Toshiro narrowed his eyes suspiciously as Captain Ukitake turned to walk away. It had been a kind thing to say but Toshiro was sure there were hidden meanings in there that his young brain just couldn't comprehend at this time of the morning. With a sigh he turned on his heel and continued his usual path back towards his office.

There were few things that surprised Toshiro in life. A surprise attack here or there maybe, the betrayal of a fellow Captain perhaps, the fact that a family member could be killed by own blade most definitely. However the one thing that surprised him to no end was to see an _awake_ Rangiku in the office at 8:30am in the morning.

'Matsumoto? Has someone died?' he asked chuckling a little as he came into the office and setting the paperwork down on the desk. She had a stack of her own work on the coffee table. She preferred to do her paperwork away from a desk despite Toshiros scolding that it would be bad for her back.

'No I was just awake for a long time with Ichigo last night,' she looked exhausted as she glanced up with a smile. 'So decided rather than go to bed I'd be better off staying awake and coming into the office early.'

'Go home Matsumoto,' Toshiro sighed. 'You cannot work when you've not had a nights sleep, you'll wear yourself out and catch a cold or something.'

'Captain, we're souls we don't get ill.'

'It doesn't stop you from pretending to get out of paperwork though does it?' Toshiro muttered under his breath but loud enough for her to hear.

'That's mean Captain,' she pouted at him, 'but if you're insisting I take a day off I am not going to say no.' She grinned broadly and Toshiro rolled his eyes.

'You should take the day off too sir,' she said and Toshiro chuckled darkly.

'I am far too behind in paperwork, but never mind that how did things go with Kurosaki?'

'Even in death you won't call him Ichigo?' she sighed and stood up putting her stuff neatly into a little pile on the table.

'His last name is Kurosaki so that is what he will be called. You didn't answer my question Matsumoto.' She finished shuffling the papers and straightened up to grin at him.

'Yes everything went well, he was pretty accepting of everything too. He only asked a couple of questions. Most of the things he asked were about you actually.'

'Oh?' Toshiro faltered at his desk and glanced back up to her with a curious look on his face.

'Yeah,' she was smiling at something and shook her head, 'but Captain you should take today off too, or at least take your reports home and do them in peace. It's likely that everyone will be coming to the office to ask about Ichigo so you won't get any work done here.'

'Yes,' he groaned rubbing his head, 'that is true.' He glanced over his desk at the paperwork and decided he likely would get more of it done at home. 'Where is Kurosaki just now anyway?'

'Oh,' she pursed her lips as if trying to hide some kind of amusement, 'well he's sleeping when I left him. He looks so cute asleep sir you should see him. He looks so much younger and-'

'Why would I care what he looks like while he sleeps?' Toshiro scowled at her and folded his arms across his chest in a huff. Though he had been trying his best to picture what his friend was describing to him the picture in his mind was getting too intimate for his liking so he decided to draw it to a close.

'Alright,' she smiled at him, 'forget I said anything,' she seemed to be smirking to herself as she stretched up and walked towards the door. 'Are you going home? I could walk you back?' she asked and Toshiro sighed turning to look down at his paperwork. The lieutenants living quarters were between the barracks and the Captains living quarters. He lifted up everything he'd need from his desk and followed out behind her. She seemed to be in a rather good mood and Toshiro wanted to ask why, he was sure it had something to do with them finding Ichigo but he couldn't be so sure. It was making him nervous because he wanted it to be about Ichigo but at the same time… This kind of happiness that usually radiated off of her had something to do with some kind of plan she normally came up with. If that was the case then the plan most likely _involved_ Ichigo and that was a scary thought. He scowled to himself. He was being paranoid as he walked by the door to his own living quarters.

'Alright Captain,' that smirk was back on her face again, 'have _fun.'_

Fun? Why would he have fun? He scowled at her and moved inside, did she seriously think he enjoyed doing paperwork? No.

Just because he spent all his time doing it didn't mean he found it enjoyable, he did it because it needed to get done. Like hell was she going to do it? He grumbled as he walked over to his desk and put the paperwork down on it.

He was walking about making another cup of tea, just as he had done the night before when he heard something. Confused, he glanced around, it sounded like there was someone in his house? He was being paranoid but he picked Hyorinmaru up anyway and clutched him close as he walked towards the door that connected the main living area onto the hallway that led to his bedroom and bathroom. Just as he was a few feet away from the door a figure came through it.

A very naked figure.

'K-K-Kurosaki!?' Toshiro yelped and jumped back, his entire face catching fire as the strawberry blond ran a towel through his orange spikes. The towel was barely covering his modesty as he had his head bowed.

'Yeah?'

'W-w-what?' Toshiros entire face was on fire and yet he couldn't look away. His teal eyes were drinking in the sight of the taller males beautiful tanned muscles. The skin pulled so tight that you could bounce a coin on it. His legs were powerful looking, the muscles bulky and defined and when the towel slipped from his head into his hands it opened up a whole view of the rest of his body. Toshiro gulped and backed up, his eyes travelling over the toned chest and defined six pack muscles that were now on display to him.

'Toshiro watch out for the-' Toshiros legs caught his small table and he was sent tumbling backwards. A bark of surprise slipping from his lips as his head hit the floor. Ichigo dropped the towel and bolted to his side in an instant and Toshiro could feel his entire face going red. At least the towel had been covering his modesty but now everything was on display. As Ichigo came to kneel beside him _it_ was close to his face. His entire body was on fire from embarrassment.

'Are you okay?' Ichigo asked kindly reaching out to him. Toshiro yelped and shuffled backwards.

'G-get _it_ away from me,' he hadn't realised he was trying to wrap an arm around his own waist to comfort himself. Ichigo looked so incredibly confused.

'Get what away from you?' he reached out a hand gently and Toshiro jerked back away from his touch.

' _T- That_!' he barked his eyes glancing between Ichigos legs for a second before adverting again and closing his eyes. The image would be burned in his vision forever. His entire body was heated more than he'd ever felt in his entire life, even more than that time he'd had heat stroke.

'It's just a penis Toshiro,' Ichigo sounded a little amused but Toshiro didn't open his eyes. Though keeping them closed was just making him picture it and that was ten times worse. His eyes opened and they stared at the wall. He could feel the taller male moving closer again.

'You've got one, calm down.' Toshiro felt the males' fingers gently against his head.

'W-what are you?'

'Checking that bump on your head, Rangiku said I used to help my father out in the clinic,' his fingers ran gently up through Toshiros spikes. The feeling sent a shiver of pleasure down his spine. He loved when Rangiku played with his hair though it was never a sexual feeling, it was comforting. Ichigos fingers continued their journey, though in the path of searching for any tender spots Toshiros head was slowly being turned in the direction of… The teal eyes closed once again and he tried to concentrate on his breathing. That's when he realised he could smell it. He was close enough to smell _it._ It was like a pure overwhelming scent of Ichigo, much stronger in concentration from any other time Toshiro had been close to him, mixed faintly with the scent of his own soap. His head was being brought round and the feeling of Ichigos fingers gently prodding his skull and running through his hair gave way to anxiety that if this continued he'd likely touch _it_ with his nose or his cheek or something. With eyes closed he couldn't tell how close he now was but he did know if any part of it touched his face he'd die of embarrassment.

Captain Hitsugaya… killed by a cock.

This was ridiculous. Just shy of where he assumed he was going to make contact, Ichigo pulled back.

'No tenderness, I think you're okay,' he was smiling as Toshiro opened his eyes. _Look at his face. Look at his face._ Toshiro kept saying to himself as he kept his eyes on that hazel gaze of the red head.

'You're too close Kurosaki,' Toshiro breathed out, 'please cover yourself up.'

'Why?' Ichigos smile faltered and fell off his face, 'I thought you'd be happy to see me again after so long?'

'W-what?' Toshiros face surely resembled a beautiful spanked tomato at this moment. 'Why would you think that?'

'Because,' it was Ichigos turn to look confused, 'it's been months hasn't it?'

'Yes, but why the hell are you naked in my house?' Toshiros embarrassment was ebbing to be replaced by anger.

'Isn't it our house?' Ichigo stood up and where his face had just been Toshiro now found himself looking at-

'Gah!' Toshiro scampered to his feet and quickly walked away from the taller male. 'Please, put something on and tell me just what the hell is going on?'

'Rangiku told me that we'd been dating for years before I died,' he sounded pretty hurt and upset. 'I thought you'd be happy to see me back again?'

'Matsumoto… told you what?' Toshiro was sure for a second someone had plugged his ears. There was no way in hell what he'd just heard was true. His lieutenant surely wouldn't have done something as inappropriate as this just to play a joke on him?

'She said that we had been dating for years,' Ichigo still sounded upset and Toshiro turned to look at him. He'd found his towel again and wrapped it around his waist.

'Sorry to say Kurosaki but Matsumoto has a sick sense of humour, we were never dating.'

'She said you'd say that. That you were trying to push me away because it was difficult for you to deal with at first.' He was grinning now and Toshiros mouth fell open.

'You don't believe her do you?'

'She seems like a trustworthy person,' Ichigo smiled broadly, 'besides you're really cute and attractive so it makes sense to me that we'd have been together.'

'W-wait! WHAT! No! We weren't together, stop this!' Toshiro actually jumped in the air and stomped his feet like a child having a tantrum and glared at the taller male from across the room. 'We weren't together, we never were.'

'Well maybe not physically. The way you looked at me just now, it was like your first time seeing someone else naked.' He laughed and Toshiro felt his entire face heat up.

'Shut up, stop laughing at me, we're not dating, we never dated. Get out!' he snapped and Ichigo stopped laughing and stood grinning instead.

'Fine I'll leave just now but I'll do whatever it takes to win you back over Toshiro,' he turned and walked back down the hallway.

'What the hell does that mean?' Toshiro shouted back down the hall after him and prayed to god he was going to put his clothes on.

'Rangiku said you'd been trying to get over me when I went missing. In case I never turned up and said you'd moved on.' Ichigo soon made his way back down the hall in a fresh soul reaper outfit, grinning from head to toe and radiating a confidence that Toshiro had only ever seen him emit just before he went into battle. 'So I will just have to spend my time trying to win you back over.'

'W-what if I don't want to be won over?' Toshiro stammered. He would never admit it out loud but this was when Ichigo was at his most attractive; when he was standing proud and ready to pounce with confidence oozing from his very skin.

'Everyone wants to be loved Toshiro,' he made his way over towards the door and opened it, 'you may act like you don't but it's probably the best feeling ever. I'll feel it again one day. I'll feel it again with you.' Then he was gone and Toshiro felt like pulling out his hair, he stomped over to the door yanked it open and shouted outside;

'IT'S CAPTAIN HITSU-FUCKING-GAYA.'

He slammed the door shut and proceeded to stomp around and around his living room scowling at himself. This was all Rangikus fault, what on earth made her think that this was in anyway appropriate? Oh she was going to get an earful from him. He picked Hyorinmaru up from the floor and walked back over to the door, yanking it open and storming over to her living quarters. He didn't care if she was asleep. She was going to feel the full presence of his ice.

He knocked loudly on her door. She didn't answer but there was the definite sound of shuffling and banging and then a swear word. She must have fallen asleep on the couch or something because the noises were coming just from the other side of the door.

'Matsumoto!' he snapped, tapping his foot impatiently on the wooden floor as he waited for his busty inappropriate lieutenant to answer. She continued to bang around and eventually the door slid open to reveal a dishevelled looking Rangiku.

'Captain?' she asked innocently as she gazed down at a fuming Toshiro. Toshiros nostrils were flaring and he knew he looked wild but he stormed passed her into her home. He wanted to shout at her but he didn't want to do it where passers by would see him.

'Don't you dare act like you don't have a clue what this is about Matsumoto.' He snapped and she pursed her lips.

'What happened?'

'He was naked!' Toshiro threw his hands up into the air, his face on fire once again, 'he was naked in my house because _you_ told him we used to be together.'

'Oh,' she bit her lower lip but he could see her body shaking with laughter and eventually it bubbled from her mouth and she couldn't stop it. He stood scowling at her as she laughed at him.

'Stop laughing at me!' he shouted, getting worked up and upset again.

'I-I'm sorry Captain, I just,' she took a moment to try and compose herself. 'You're just so cute.' She must have seen the ice creeping across her furniture because she finally launched into an explanation. 'Look Captain, I want you to be happy and I think that Ichigo could make you happy.'

'I'm not even gay,' Toshiro snapped at her. She clicked her tongue impatiently.

'Now, what kind of lieutenant would I be if I didn't know my own Captains sexuality? Of course you're gay Toshiro, stop denying it.'

'What!' he snapped back, 'I'm not denying it!'

'So you mean to tell me you weren't the least bit attracted to Ichigo when he was being all naked?' she looked amused, she was clearly enjoying this.

'No!' he snapped back, 'why don't you believe me?'

'Because you're lying,' she stood up and walked around, pulling out a device he'd only seen in the human world. It was a laptop and she opened it. He wasn't sure what the hell she was doing but he watched as she put in a password and brought some kind of colourful video up.

'I had Soi Fon install heat cameras into your house for this-'

'You did _what?'_

'Relax, they're heat cameras, they only show body temperature, here's you.' She pointed out a green and yellow figure. 'That kind of body temperature on anyone else would mean they'd probably be frozen but for you it's normal.'

Toshiro was enraged but also transfixed as he watched the green figure moving around his living room. Then another figure, a much brighter one walked in. 'That yellow and purple is normal.' She explained and Toshiro watched as his own body went from green and yellow to a nice bright orange.

'Now, we'd expect to see heat in your chest and face with embarrassment and in other sections of the body too, but watch this part here.' She waited until the moment where he was just about to trip over the table. 'Why would your groin have so much heat going to it?'

His face was getting hot again as he watched the particular body part heating a nice bright vivid red on the screen. He couldn't believe this, he hadn't tried to think too much about it at the time but now he knew she was right.

'This… this is a total invasion on my privacy,' he snapped at her and she smirked, closing the laptop over. 'Is that what you were doing before I came over?' he snarled at her, 'spying on me?'

'Yes, I figured you'd kick up a stink about not being attracted to men or Ichigo but very clearly you are.' She looked so innocent and he just stared at her dumbstruck. 'So you should give him a chance Captain-'

'This is none of your business Matsumoto,' his vision was going red and he was feeling humiliated. 'This isn't fair to Ichigo or me, stop messing with us and leave us alone-'

'What? So you can both go back to being lonely and miserable. No.' It was her turn to get a bit angry. 'You should have seen the look in his face every single time you brushed him off before and yet I know how deeply you were affected by his death. Don't deny it Captain I know you tried to hide it but I could see the tear marks on your skin the day after you found out Ichigo had died. You didn't sleep at all that night.'

'You have no right, I am your Captain…' his voice was trailing off, he was losing this battle and he knew it.

'Yes you are and for that I am sorry but before that you were my best friend and you still are. If you want to fire me do it, it won't ever discourage me from trying to make you happy and I believe that Ichigo can do that.'

'I-I can't,' he was losing. His hands had come up to clutch desperately at his haori. He'd been denying himself a relationship for so long that the thought of entering into one now just made him nervous. She reached up to take his hands and she guided him into her side, her arms wrapping around him carefully. Perhaps she could feel him shaking.

'You're scared,' she mumbled bringing a hand up to run it through his hair and he closed his eyes. He was scared. He didn't want to lose someone again. He'd lost Momo and he'd lost Ichigo once already. He couldn't do it again. The further people were kept, the less it hurt. It's why he'd sacrificed himself so many times to try and save Rangiku because he loved her too and it scared him. He nuzzled into her Shihakusho and she continued to stroke his hair.

'It's okay,' she said softly, 'it's okay to be scared. No one is forcing you Toshiro I promise I won't I just want you to give it a try. I want to see you happy.'

He wanted to agree, he wanted to agree and make her happy but he couldn't. He just couldn't do it. Ichigo had already forgotten him once. It would happen again and he'd be left with a broken heart, what if they had been dating before he died? He couldn't take it, the thought of being left alone. He decided to appease her though with a small white lie.

'I'll think about it,' he mumbled and she hugged him tighter for a moment. 'I'll think about it if you help me with some paperwork.'

A white lie never hurt anyone, he would think about it. He already was after all surely he could use that as motivation to get her to do her damn job. He felt a little guilty but then she'd placed a naked Ichigo in his house and filmed his reaction. She kind of deserved this.

'Fine,' she sighed, 'but someone will need to show Ichigo the ropes,' she was grinning. He could feel it in her voice. 'So if it isn't going to be me it will have to be you-'

'Fine,' he grumbled as he pulled back, 'do some paper _and_ I'll give you some time to train Ichigo up.'

'He'd make a very good third seat,' she grinned at him and he scowled.

'He'd make an even better lieutenant,' he muttered and she pouted at him. Toshiro smiled to himself and turned to leave her living quarters. 'Oh and if you're not going to rest at least do some damn work.' He said twisting back to watch as she pretended to quickly fall asleep on her couch. He opened the door and left with an eye roll. It was like watching a child. He made his way back to his living quarters and prayed to god there was not another surprise naked man waiting for him behind door number 3.

No one was around, not a sound. Toshiro quickly checked every room just to make sure, including inside his wardrobe before heading back to his desk. He spotted something unusual. It looked like some kind of alcoholic drink. As he drew closer to it though he realised that someone had skewered melon slices and had sat them in ice. He blinked down to the weird display and picked one of them up, sniffing it to check for roofies. When Rangiku was involved one could never be too sure. He couldn't smell anything funny off of it so he tried a piece. It had been so long since he ate melon, he'd missed it. Frozen it was even better. He found his spirits lifting a little as he sat back down at his desk ready to try and start some paperwork. Perhaps Rangiku had arranged it as an apology or something.

If that was the case he wished she'd apologise more often.

 **XxXxX**

 **Hey guys, see the review box below? Please use it! You don't even need an account and it keeps me writing!**

 **XxXxX**


	3. Nightly Comforts

**A massive thank you to the people who took time to review my last chapter! Nico Zi, Kat, ShiroShipShipShipShip, Geishaaa!**

 **Your support inspires more words!**

 **XxXxX**

He was gritting his teeth and trying his best to ignore the chatter happening on the couch. When Ichigo had been missing, he had missed the tall strawberry coming over to chat with him and Rangiku. Normally their chats were a little more PG friendly than they seemed to be today and that's what was annoying Toshiro. He was glad to have Ichigo back and glad he was safe but he was now worried about the mental impact his lieutenant was having on him.

'What about this guy here Ichigo, do you like him?' Rangiku practically purred and Toshiro glared up at them. Ichigo was sitting casually on the couch as Rangiku leaned against his shoulder pointing down at a _very_ inappropriate magazine.

'He's alright,' Ichigo was frowning and tilting the magazine to a different angle. Toshiro could feel an anger bubbling inside him, one he hadn't really felt before. He wasn't sure if it had something to do with the way his lieutenants eyes kept flickering over to where he sat. Or the fact that Ichigo was looking at naked men in that magazine. It would surely have to be the first option, why would Toshiro care if Ichigo was looking at naked men? She was clearly trying to gauge his reaction or draw his attention. Toshiro sat stubbornly and glared at the frozen melon chunks that sat on his desk. Apparently it had been Ichigo who was brining them and this was his fourth day now receiving them since that horrible incident in his living quarters.

There was the sound of a page rustling and Toshiros eyes snapped over to glare. The page had clearly been turned and both Ichigo and Rangiku stared wide eyed at whatever was in front of them.

'Okay now _that's_ attractive,' Ichigo breathed. He leaned a little closer towards the magazine and Toshiro felt his blood boil. Rangiku tossed him a look and grinned at whatever sight she saw. Toshiro glared back at her. Why was she doing this? To torment him? What had he ever done to her to deserve this crap? Forced her to do her job… which was exactly what he was about to do just now.

He closed over his current file of paperwork with a snap, his hand slamming harshly down on the desk and causing Rangiku to jump. He glared at her while Ichigo continued to stare at whatever was presented to him in the magazine.

'Matsumoto,' he drawled warningly as he tried not to watch Ichigos expression too much. 'You have other work sitting on the desk waiting to be done. Maybe you could do that instead of… instead of…'

'Educating Ichigo?' she smirked and pointed down at something Toshiro couldn't see. 'Apparently that's where you put it, hurts a bit at first but can feel really good if you do it right.'

'Really?' Ichigo pulled the magazine closer to his face and Toshiro scowled, he could feel his entire face heating up again and he wasn't even sure why.

'Matsumoto,' he snapped his fingers to draw her attention and pointed at the paperwork.

'I think Toshiro feels a little left out,' she mumbled to Ichigo before pulling the magazine out of his hands.

'What?' Toshiro felt his eyes going wide and jumped back from his desk. He didn't want to know what kind of indecent images lay in the folds of those glossy murky pages.

'Well, see this guy here is what you'd call "well hung",' she held the magazine up and Toshiro caught a glimpse of a completely nude man with a massive…

'Matsumoto,' he barked leaping around his desk to put space between them, 'I don't need to see things like that!'

'Why not Captain? It's for educational purposes,' she turned a page and presented another man to him as he tried to turn and run around the small confides of the office space.

He was being chased around his office by a piece of glossy paper.

'That's enough,' Ichigo said, Toshiro had just run passed him and he'd stood up from the couch to block her path to him. His heart was hammering in his chest from embarrassment. He glanced around to see Ichigo looking mildly annoyed, he seemed to be frowning at Rangiku and trying to shield Toshiro from view all in one go.

'Alright,' she smirked at him and closed the magazine putting it down on the table before turning to walk back towards her paperwork. Toshiro straightened up and let out a sigh of relief that he was now being left alone. He felt a rush of gratitude towards the tall male strawberry.

'Thank you,' he mumbled to Ichigo before walking towards the door of the office. He had to get some fresh air. He hated being made to feel this way, being made to feel like he was missing out or less superior because he didn't understand the whole sexual aspect of existence.

The sound of the door sliding open signified that Ichigo had come out after him once he was outside. He gazed down at the grounds where a lot of his soldiers seemed to be relaxing in the sun and sighed, leaning against the wooden railing that was almost as tall as he was.

'Are you okay?' Ichigo asked after a moments' silence.

'Yes,' he lied.

'No you're not,' Ichigo replied.

Toshiro didn't really know what to say so he didn't say anything.

'If that kind of stuff bothers you, you should sit her down and tell her. I think she only does it because she's worried you're missing out.' He spoke and Toshiro blinked, it was odd. He seemed much more like the old Ichigo now in this moment than he ever had since he'd been picked up in Inuzuri.

'I-' how was he meant to explain that he didn't even feel comfortable doing that? Talking about it? Even if it was something as simple as getting her to _stop._ He swallowed thickly and lowered his chin down onto his arms that were on the wooden railing. As if reading his mind-

'You don't even feel comfortable doing that?' Ichigo asked, he seemed a little surprised and exhaled slowly. 'I'm sorry Toshiro, I didn't realise. Now I understand why you freaked out so badly when I was naked. Even if we were together before.'

'We weren't together,' Toshiro scowled up at him, 'and it's Captain Hitsugaya remember,' he frowned and Ichigo smirked.

'Rangiku said I _never_ used to call you that because we were dating. I asked Rukia and Renji about it and they confirmed that I never used to call you Captain as well.'

'Did they confirm that we were dating too?' Toshiro scowled at him.

'No Rangiku said we hadn't told anyone yet except her because of how much of a prude you are,' he was grinning and Toshiro could feel his face heating up. 'But the fact I used to call you Toshiro and others are witness to that would suggest she's correct.'

'We weren't dating,' he hissed again, his breath coming out in an exasperated sigh.

'Rangiku said I wore you down with little gifts of affection like the iced watermelon so I thought I'd try it again,' he smiled and Toshiro felt heat creeping up his neck. This wasn't working. Ichigo had deluded himself into believing that they'd been together.

'It won't work because I'm pretty sure I'm asexual,' he tried and Ichigo scoffed.

'No you're not, someone who's asexual doesn't get that embarrassed when they see someone naked I'm sure. Since they don't think about things in that way.' Toshiro gritted his teeth, this wasn't working. His best bet was to separate Ichigo and Rangiku as much as possible and give Ichigo enough work that he hoped he'd be too exhausted each day to pursue this stupid relationship idea.

'Forget all that,' he said, 'I have a job for you. If you're going to be promoted to our third seat and Head Captain Kyoraku wants that to happen soon, then you need to prove yourself.' As he said it Ichigo stood a little more at attention, his back straightening up and he narrowed his eyes down at Toshiro. The Captain grinned to himself as he folded his arms into the opposite sleeves of his haori and walked down towards the grounds where his men were slacking. Ichigo following obediently behind him despite not being asked to do so. As soon as Toshiro came into view of his men they all jumped to their feet and bowed low to the ground greeting him in a respectable way.

'Listen up,' Toshiro called out, his voice carrying effortlessly in the zephyr as he'd done this many times. 'Kurosaki here is in line to become our new third seat officer,' he said and watched the eager look cross their faces. They knew of Ichigo of course, everyone did, his powers and stories were going to go down in legend. 'So I'm putting him in charge of training you all,' beside him he could feel Ichigo fidget a little. 'He's going to help train you to achieve a higher level than you possibly can when training by yourself.' He turned and smirked over his shoulder at the tall strawberry who had gulped a little but tried to look in control of the situation. He'd either flop or do really well and either way it would be good for him to learn something about running a division. Toshiro now turned fully towards Ichigo so only the strawberry could hear him, 'we've got a mountain of fire wood waiting to be chopped for the entire Seireitei before winter. I think it would be good to get a bit of it done each day leading up to winter, last year there was a shortage because the lazy squad eleven were meant to do it. It's our turn this year and I'd like the entire Seireitei stocked and ready for winter.' He said and Ichigo was just smiling at him. He stared for a long time until Toshiros smile slipped off his face and was replaced by a scowl.

'What?'

'Nothing…' he muttered but his smile had turned into a massive dopy grin. 'You just look really hot when you're being all bossy and authoritative and Captainy.'

'"Captainy" isn't even a word Kurosaki,' Toshiro said, feeling his ears turn red with heat. 'Now please get to work before I freeze your ass in front of the squad.' Without looking back he quickly walked around Ichigo and back in the direction of his office. His nice safe office… actually Rangiku was there so maybe not that safe. He just hoped she'd put that damn magazine away because now he didn't have a counter strawberry to save him. When he stepped back inside she was sitting in her usual position on the couch happily sorting through files and he blinked back his surprise before making his way over to his desk. He left the office door open because even the small breeze in this early autumn was a welcome relief for him. He shifted through his reports and fell into a nice rhythm.

He was blasting through the recruitment reports and Captain meeting minutes when Rangiku stood up to stretch her legs and walked over to the open door. His eyes flickered up to follow her as she stepped outside. They'd been working in companionable silence for the better part of two hours now and he glanced back down to the report he was currently looking at. It was the expenses for the medical bills for his squad and he was going over exactly what they were being billed for by Squad four before he signed it off. Not that he didn't trust them or anything, just that he wanted to be sure.

'Captain,' it was Rangikus voice and he could already tell by the tone of it that she was euphorically gleeful about something. He gritted his teeth and glanced up, that tone never usually ended well for him. Her eyes were alight with mischief the way they had been when she'd been told to fill Ichigo in on his life and look how that'd ended up.

'Matsumoto?' he responded, leaning back on his chair and folding his arms across his chest pre empting his distaste with whatever was about to follow.

'You got Ichigo training the troops?' she asked, still that euphoric tone was in her voice as she asked.

'Yes?' he narrowed his eyes again, where exactly was she going with this?

'You might want to take a look,' she was smirking and Toshiro scowled. He was in a good place with his work right now and really didn't need a distraction but she'd piqued his interest so he pushed himself away from the desk and stood up to walk over. Whatever was happening was putting her in a very, very good mood. He had visions of Ichigo getting the squad drunk or slacking off but for some reason none of that really tied into Ichigos character. So of course he was curious, why wouldn't he be?

She casually stepped aside and he knew she had the biggest smile ever on her face, he could hear Ichigo calling out to the troops panting as he did so and Toshiro looked over the railing.

What he saw instantly made his mouth go dry.

It appeared that Ichigo had his troops working in groups of three, each taking turns to cut through as much of the wood as they could. The troops looked exhausted but none of them were giving up. They had their own piles and some groups were cutting through theirs faster than others. That wasn't what had made his mouth go dry though.

In line with making them do work, Ichigo was working himself as well, except he was chopping through his pile _alone_ and still seemed to be much further ahead than any of the others. In the heat of his excursion though he'd brought his arms and chest out of his shihakusho so he only wore his pants tied by his obi. His entire chest was glistening with sweat and his muscles were contorting with every effort as he continued to work his way through the pile. They were each using their zanpakuto to do the cutting and a lot of the members were watching Ichigo with a lot of respect. They were swapping out partners when becoming exhausted but the sweat glistening Ichigo wasn't.

'Keep going,' he panted out to them, his voice carrying well over the grounds and spurring them on. Toshiros eyes came back to Ichigo, watching the muscles move and ripple as he brought zangetsu down on the wooden blocks, loading them back on the block of chopping wood he was using with such speed, like he'd done this a million times before. He had built quite a rhythm for himself that made his movements graceful and didn't overly exert any particular muscle, instead utilising them all to increase his stamina. Toshiro knew he was staring, knew that Rangiku was watching as he stared but he couldn't help himself. He was so transfixed, he'd not seen Ichigo fight much but if his fighting was just as lithe and as graceful as the current moves he was demonstrating then he had little doubts as to why Ichigo had won so many battles.

Rangiku didn't say a word but instead she made her way back into the office as Toshiro continued to watch. He was now well and truly distracted from the paperwork that lay in his office and even if he was to stop and return back to it he highly doubted he'd be able to focus now that this mental image was burned into his mind. His whole body was itching to get closer, there was a fire spreading through his entire body that he'd suppressed for so long.

"You're just a kid."

"Nothing more than a child."

"You're so cute!"

"You're so young!"

Everyone he'd ever spoken too, everyone had always mentioned how young he looked, how small he was. He'd realised very early on that he would never be able to enter a physical relationship so all those urges, regardless of how strong had been squashed. Pushed to the furthest parts of his brain and buried under a mountain of dust. He'd not even masturbated, not for years and years. The random erections were just part of his body's normal functions but he never entertained any of it and eventually even the dreams had stopped. His whole body resigned itself to switching off its sex drive and because he'd been without it for so long he'd become scared. It was now a hidden part of himself he'd never explored and it frightened him. Sensing his distress he could feel a rumble on his back as Hyorinmaru tried to calm him down.

'I'm scared,' he whispered to the dragon, 'I don't like feeling like this, I don't want to reawaken that part of me. I'm not ready.'

'Master,' he rumbled again, the vibrations worked in calming him down, for though they were powerful it made him feel protected by the giant dragon. 'Ichigo means us no harm. The longer you suppress something, the more you grow to fear it. Remember when I first came to you?'

'I was terrified,' Toshiro sighed, remembering being a small boy scared to go to sleep because the dreams scared him. Hyorinmaru had come to him when he was very young and he had no idea what was going on, what was happening to him.

'Exactly, now look at us, look at what we've achieved together.' He allowed Hyorinmaru to show him the images of the times they'd fought together and when they'd achieved shikai and bankai together. 'If you'd been scared of me then and run away… you may never have discovered me. We may never be where we are today.' He rumbled back and Toshiro swallowed thickly.

'But this is different,' Toshiro whimpered back.

'It is not different, it is new and you are scared of new things master,' he purred and Toshiro felt his heart rate settling back down in his chest. 'You need not be scared of new things master, because I will be beside you, I will always be beside you and I will not let anyone hurt you.'

'It isn't a physical wound I am worried about,' Toshiro mumbled back to the dragon.

'Emotional scarring I can help with too, but I do not believe for a second that Ichigo is that kind of person master.'

He was thoughtful to these words and it was true, Ichigo was not the kind of person to hurt someone but that didn't make the prospect any less scary.

'I am not ready to be with someone emotionally,' he mumbled, 'I don't really know how I feel about all of this, how I feel about him.' Toshiros eyes were still on Ichigo and his mind seemed to be holding up a mental barrier to the thought process which just made him more frustrated.

'You may wait master, I will not force you into anything. However I think you should consider quickly, Ichigo is drawing a lot of attention out there and he may not be single much longer.' The dragon hadn't said it to hurt Toshiro. He'd been drawing his attention to it and as Toshiro cast his eyes out over the group of officers he could see the looks, some were simply impressed. Others were looking at Ichigo as if he were some kind of food ready to be devoured.

'I can't deal with this,' Toshiro put his hands over his ears as if to drown the dragon out which was stupid because the dragon spoke instead his head. Understanding fully that his master had had enough Hyorinmaru disappeared fully into the back of his mind and Toshiro quickly turned away from the sight and walked straight back to his desk. He could feel Rangikus eyes on him watching him but he ignored her.

Getting back into his work was one of the only things stopping him from having a full blown panic attack right now so that's exactly what he did. He threw himself into his work and forced himself to read every line as if he were shouting it directly at Hyorinmaru in the back of his mind. Much to the dragons' own amusement.

Eventually Rangiku stood up and stretched but he continued to ignore her.

'Aren't you going to eat anything Captain?' she asked and he violently shook his head, he didn't want to think about anything other than the report currently sitting an inch away from his nose. 'Alright I'll bring you something back.'

She left and he was alone again, forcing his mind to shout out every single word from every single report he was reading. He could feel Hyorinmaru starting to get ticked off with him.

'Must you shout?' the dragon asked.

'Yes.'

That was literally the end of that conversation.

He wasn't sure how long he continued like that but he could feel the beginning of a headache coming on as Rangiku came back into the office.

'Good news Captain,' Rangiku said cheerfully and a bit carefully as she put something down on his desk. He glanced up at the takeaway bowl of noodles then back up to her face. She was smiling but the smile didn't really meet her eyes and she seemed almost upset about something.

'Hmm?' he asked, not really caring that much as he tried to force his mind back to his report.

'Ichigo is on a date.'

He froze, he could feel Hyorinmaru freeze in the back of his mind too. Before the dragon could start his chorus of 'I told you so's' Toshiro let his eyes snap back to Rangiku. The smile slid off her face and she sighed.

'Isn't that great?' she mumbled a little and Toshiro swallowed hard. It felt like his entire insides were turning to ice, which was a silly thing really given that he should like that feeling. The feeling of dread was now crashing over him like a tidal wave and he quickly glanced back down at the report on his desk. His throat was constricting, it was getting harder to breathe and he didn't know why. Why? Why was this happening? He didn't care what Ichigo did.

'Captain?' she asked tentatively and Toshiro took a deep breath, he realised he hadn't actually replied to her yet.

'As long as he doesn't take longer than an hour for his lunch break,' he spoke quietly his voice going quieter as he continued, 'I don't care what he does…'

Rangiku stood over him as he continued to work away at his desk, at least he was pretending to work. Truth was he was hurting, a lot.

'Why are you hurting master?' Hyorinmaru asked him after a while.

'I don't want to talk about it,' literally as soon as he thought these words both Hyorinmaru and Rangiku slipped away. He glanced over at his lieutenant who went to sit back down to her paperwork and the noodles she'd brought him sat forgotten on his desk.

He didn't feel hungry anyway.

 **XxXxX**

The rest of his shift passed and time seemed to be going so slowly. He'd been overcome with the urge to go and check that Ichigo was back multiple times but he stopped himself. He had to trust that Ichigo would do as he was instructed and he couldn't have a 3rd seat he had to chase around all the time, Rangiku was bad enough.

He felt a pain in his chest he'd never felt before… well only once before and that had been when he'd…

He gritted his teeth, thinking of Momo only made the pain in his chest worse. He could feel Rangikus eyes on him as he brought a hand up to clutch at his haori exactly where his heart was. It was a weird thing to do but he imagined it helped. Then a figure was opening the now closed door and Ichigo came into the office. Toshiro glanced up at him and spotted the massive grin on his face and it only made the ache in his chest hurt more. The strawberry looked good. He'd clearly showered after all his exercitations and he carried a scent of fresh air into the room instead of sweat. If only the rest of Toshiros officers could learn personal hygiene from him. He swallowed thickly as Ichigo walked towards Rangiku.

'So how did it go?' Toshiro asked nervously, fidgeting on his desk.

'Amazing, literally, I could do that all day every day,' he grinned and Toshiro felt his stomach fall through the floor as he watched him. Do it? Do what exactly? Date? Eat food with this person? Or did they… was the reason he showered…

Toshiro quickly glanced back at the report he had been working on and felt the back of his eyes prickle again.

'That's good,' he mumbled realising that his voice was thick with emotion and he wanted to run from the room. He had never wanted to flee from a situation before, he always stood and fought but not right now. Right now he wanted to run and get as far away as possible, run until his lungs bled and his legs gave out. His eyes were stinging now and he was sure if he blinked even once the tears would come.

'I never knew that what you guys did each day could be so much fun,' he chuckled as he continued and Toshiro blinked down at his page.

'He's talking about the training master,' Hyorinmaru rumbled to him, trying to calm him down.

'Oh,' Toshiro straightened up and brought his hands out in front of him on the desk where he clasped his hands together. He ran his own thumb soothingly across his other hand and pretended like it was someone else comforting him instead. 'I meant your date Kurosaki.'

'What date?'

'Your-' Toshiro scowled, 'at lunch, Rangiku said you were on a date with someone.'

'What?' Ichigo looked confused and glanced around at Rangiku who looked a little smug as she put aside her paperwork. 'I wasn't on a date?'

'Whoops, must have mistaken you for someone else,' she sighed thoughtfully.

'You weirdo,' Ichigo laughed but stood up and stretched out his limbs as Toshiro sat their frozen. So Ichigo hadn't been on a date? He narrowed his eyes at Rangiku, just what the hell had she been playing at? Saying something like that? He scowled.

'May I be dismissed Toshiro since I'm finished and all your troops have dropped dead from our training,' he chuckled and Toshiro nodded his head quickly as Ichigo skipped out the room.

'Matsumoto…' he drawled, 'what the hell?'

'What?' she asked innocently looking up.

'Why did you lie to me and tell me he was on a date?' he snapped, getting defensive. She'd unnecessarily hurt him and that didn't sit right with him. Rangiku was meant to be on _his_ side and have _his_ back. Why the hell was she doing all this?

'I didn't do anything wrong,' she smirked and leaned back and he continued to glare. Technically that was true. 'All I did was force you to think a little deeper about things. About how you'd actually feel if he _did_ end up with someone else.' She paused for a moment and he took a deep breath. He'd felt the rush of relief when it clicked that Ichigo hadn't been on a date and he realised that…

'You said that,' he muttered with a scowl, 'to see how I'd respond?'

'I did it so _you_ could see how you'd respond, because sooner or later it's going to happen Toshiro. It's going to happen and you're not going to be able to stop it, so if there's even a tiny part of you that wants to be with him. You need to get your shit together.'

Toshiro sat there as her words hung heavy in the air between them. Then she announced her own departure and stood up and left. He sat for a long while after she was gone and reached out for the noodles that were cold now, but still good. He figured eating something would help the nervous butterflies in his stomach and he was right. It helped a little so he continued to chew a few mouthfuls.

He literally worked himself to the point of exhaustion trying to focus on the reports that he'd wanted to complete that day and stumbled home so tired that he was at risk of falling asleep as soon as he walked into his house. The clock had been well after midnight by the time he'd left. He was stumbling across the grounds to his living quarters when he felt it. A spike in a very familiar reiatsu. It was Ichigo and Toshiro felt a shiver of dread pouring down his back. Alert and turning quickly around he glanced towards the barracks where the pressure was coming from. His head was flying 100 miles an hour now and he was feeling much more awake. He twisted around on his heels and took off in the direction of the pressure, he wasn't sure why he was panicking. There was no wars or anything happening that should cause this… unless… unless his hallow had followed him here when he'd died?

His feet pounded on the wooden flooring as he flash stepped towards the strawberries room and he threw open the door to total darkness. He could hear Ichigo thrashing on the bed and Toshiro walked into the wide room. He brought his hand up and instantly lit the kido in his hands, walking directly over to the bed and side stepping the discarded clothing on the floor. Against the icy blue light in Toshiros hand, Ichigos face was covered in a cold sweat and his eyes were shut tight.

' _Noo_ ,' he cried out, his voice sounding choked and far away. His jaw was set and looked like he was grinding his teeth with the occasional movement between gasps. His brows were furrowed in a deep line and the sweat glistened off his skin. There was no hallow mask to be seen and Toshiro couldn't feel any presence of a hallow in his spiritual pressure. Even if it was just a bad dream it would be cruel to let him stay in it and Toshiro was not a cruel person.

'Ichigo,' he called, 'Ichigo calm down it's okay,' Ichigo started and brought a hand around to grasp at Toshiros arm. 'It's okay it's just me.' Toshiro brought the light closer to his own face. Ichigo was holding onto his arm and appeared to be half awake, still partly in the nightmare and coming out of it.

'Oh,' he mumbled glancing around his room and bringing a hand up to rub his face, 'oh it was a dream.' Toshiro sighed his relief and stood up straight, not wanting to overstay his welcome now that he knew that the taller male was alright.

'Good, I'm glad you're okay,' he sighed and felt another wave of relief hit him. His feet seemed rooted and Toshiro knew he should quickly turn and go but something was holding him rooted to the spot. Ichigo was glancing around his room and he still seemed a little out of it. His hazel eyes were swiftly scanning the darker sections of his room and the thin cover he'd had over him was clutched tightly to his chest. He was still grinding his jaws but there wasn't much else Toshiro could do for him now that he was awake. He wasn't very good at comforting people so he should leave Ichigo to deal with this on his own, besides it was likely a dream that he wouldn't want to talk. Toshiro straightened up and turned to leave, taking two steps towards the door.

'Wait please,' it was such a pitiful noise that Toshiro almost had to do a double take to confirm it had come from the powerful soul reaper. 'Please don't go,' Ichigos hand was extended towards him and his face so full of fear that it Toshiro rooted to the spot. 'I don't want to be alone.' He mumbled and he let his hand drop to the bed as Toshiro hesitated.

'My goodness,' Toshiro muttered, 'what did you dream about?'

'My-' Ichigo gulped and glanced down at the bed covers which were now being toyed with between nervous fingers, 'my death.'

Toshiro didn't know what to say. He didn't realise that it was something someone could remember but he had heard rumours of people having nightmares. Ichigo seemed so sure it was of his own death. Toshiro could see it in his eyes right now. Even though they were still staring at the cover in his hands there was a certainty there that assured Toshiro this had not been a regular nightmare. Most others simply speculated bad dreams were their own deaths because they didn't know for sure. Looking at Ichigo though it was clear to Toshiro that it was indeed exactly what he had been dreaming about.

'I,' he mumbled, 'I just don't want to be alone tonight.'

'Alright,' Toshiro was exhausted but he could hardly leave Ichigo in this state, it would be insensitive. He turned and closed over Ichigos door before making his way back over to the bed. Not really sure where to put himself he settled for sitting on the edge of Ichigos bed, since the floor didn't look comfortable enough and his chair had several clothes already slung over it which Toshiro didn't want to touch. Ichigo settled down into the covers the moment Toshiro sat on the bottom of his bed, his hazel eyes were gazing up at him as if looking at him would remove the nightmarish images.

'You look tired too,' Ichigo muttered and Toshiro could feel his head threatening to fall forward into his chest.

'M fine,' he mumbled trying to shake his head awake, 'don't worry about me just try… try and get back to sleep.'

'You're a good person Toshiro,' Ichigo mumbled and the Captain didn't even have the heart – or the strength – to correct the use of his name. 'You can sleep here if you want?' the request was innocent enough and Toshiros kido light was already dying in his hand anyway. What would one night be?

He wasn't sure if it was Hyorinmaru pushing him down gently into the bed or if Ichigo had reached up towards him and pulled him down all he knew was that he was being drawn deep into a world of warmth and comfort without a second thought to anything.

 **XxXxX**

 **Hey all! Sorry this chapter was late, originally it was meant to be up on Friday but a Renji / Ichigo fic distracted me -cough- if you're at all curious, the fic is called 'Premature' and it's brilliant and hilarious and sad and amazing all in one fic.**

 **Also has a very funny lemon!**

 **Who knew a lemon could be funny.**

' **Premature' by HadenXCharm is the reason this fic is so late. Go fourth and blame them and while you're over there review their amazing story!**


	4. Partner Proposal

**I'd like to thank Nico Zi, Geishaaa, Daddys Crazy Little Bitch and MariaGv for your amazing reviews!**

 **Seriously, it's because of you guys this chapter happened. I was so ready to dump this fic until that fourth review from MariaGv came through and inspired me to continue.**

 **In comparison to my other fics this one has just not had half the amount of reviews, so I've been ready to ditch it for a while. It will certainly be less of a priority to 'Home Wrecker' and 'Sex Games' because those two just draw in way more reviews than this one.**

 **XxXxX**

The first thing that he noticed was how incredibly warm he was as he started to rouse from a deep sleep. Toshiro knew he was mumbling something incoherent as he always did just before he fully woke up. He nuzzled his head down into the warmth of the covers and mumbled again. It was a content kind of warm, not like an overly bearing suffocating kind of warmth that makes you uncomfortable. This kind of warmth was the one you didn't really want to leave and even as an ice wielder he found this kind of warmth completely acceptable.

There was a very slight amount of pressure on his back as well, again a comfortable kind of pressure, like having a small dog lying across your back. The pressure was obviously the weight of something on his back and as he racked his brain he couldn't quite work out what it was. Not that it mattered because his alarm would go off soon and that would signify the appropriate time to wake up and investigate the situation. Until then he'd just hunker down and try and sleep a little more.

Then it moved.

Toshiro felt the weight on his back shift up and down, like it was carefully stroking his back through his jinbei. Only his foggy brain was realising he wasn't wearing his jinbei, he was wearing his uniform. Well that's weird, why would he go to bed fully clothed in his uniform? His mind was back peddling reminding him how exhausted he'd been. He'd likely just fallen asleep fully clothed on his bed… but then why was something stroking his back?

His eyes shot open and he tried to pull himself away from the warmth suddenly remembering what had happened. His heart was thumping in his chest and he could feel heat already springing to his cheeks as he tried to pull away but the weight around his back wasn't letting him move and held him in place.

'Good morning,' a sleepy voice called and Toshiro peaked over the covered chest of the taller male to see two bright hazel eyes looking down at him fondly.

'Letme goff,' he barked, his voice coming out muffled by the covers that were pressing against his chin. He was lying on top of the strawberrys chest but thankfully there was a layer of covers between them which was stopping bare flesh contact.

'Hmm?' he mumbled, but his arm slackened and Toshiro pulled himself away without hurting the strawberry.

'What…' he couldn't quell the heat in his cheeks as he glanced around the room, the images of the night before came flooding back.

'You okay?' Ichigo brought a hand up and ran it down his face, clearly trying to waken himself up as he propped himself on his arm to gaze at him.

'I-I don't, I shouldn't-' he mumbled as he glanced around the room. This was wrong he should never have let himself stay. He should have dragged his ass back to his own sleeping quarters and crashed on the floor of his living room instead of this.

'You look cute with your hair all tussled,' Ichigo was grinning at him and Toshiro scowled, he knew his morning routine involved using his reiatsu to get his spikes to stand just perfectly. He probably looked a mess right now and no one but Rangiku knew he secretly used his own spiritual pressure to give himself awesome looking spikes.

'Be quiet, I need to leave,' he was moving to slip off the bed when he felt a hand enclose around his arm.

'Please stay,' it wasn't quite the same pathetic voice he'd used last night but this one was filled with a deep longing and when Toshiro turned around he noticed that Ichigos grin was gone and was replaced with a small timid smile.

'Why?' he blurted out because he had no idea what was going on.

'Because I want you to stay,' he smiled again, that small timid smile of his.

'I-' Toshiro glanced around the room for something to distract gaze instead of looking at the other male. 'I have to go back and get showered and changed and go to work,' he finished. This was ludicrous he shouldn't even be here in the first place. He was most certainly sure that Hyorinmaru had something to do with this though because the dragon seemed far too content somewhere in the back of his head.

'It's a Saturday Toshiro,' Ichigo said and Toshiro sighed.

'It's Captain Hitsugaya,' he mumbled as he glanced back at Ichigo.

'It's still a Saturday, you shouldn't be working today.'

'I work everyday,' he scowled. It was true, he had a lot of paperwork to do and he couldn't do it lying in bed next to Ichigo. Even the thought of that was making him uncomfortable.

'You need a day off, come to lunch with me,' he asked and as Toshiro turned around he could see that the strawberrys eyes had lit up and he was grinning again. The covers had tumbled off of his chest so that Toshiro could see the top half, just above his pecks and his shoulders. He tried to keep his eyes on Ichigos though and not get sidetracked.

'I don't think that would be a good idea Kurosaki,' he muttered.

'Why not? We could both get ready and head straight there?'

'What? Have lunch at this time?' Toshiro frowned at him, who the hell had lunch in the morning?

'Yeah,' Ichigo glanced at the clock on the wall over Toshiros shoulder and as Toshiro followed his gaze he almost fell out the bed. It was nearly 12pm.

'What!' he snapped jumping to his feet on Ichigos bed and glaring daggers at the clock. It must have been wrong, there was no way he'd have slept that long.

'Relax Toshiro, it's the weekend you're allowed to lie in,' Ichigos tone had gone back to that careful but teasing tone he usually used before he'd passed away. It caused a swell of emotions in Toshiro which he tried to squash as he contemplated just how behind he was now with paperwork.

'I have to-' he started but before he knew what was happening Ichigo had sprung up from the bed and grabbed him back down. The soul reaper had done it so quickly that Toshiro didn't have a chance to react except to yelp. It had been too unexpected. As a Captain he should have known better than to let his guard down even around a friend.

'What the!' he barked as Ichigo chuckled to himself. Toshiro was now fully engulfed into the warm scent of Ichigos bed as the strawberry pinned him down.

'I like having you here,' Ichigo chuckled, the covers falling away from him to reveal his completely naked chest and Toshiro tried to squirm away from him.

'T-This is…' Toshiro couldn't find the words, he wanted to freeze Ichigo but Hyorinmaru seemed to be in disagreement with him.

'Fun?' Ichigo asked, he hadn't pulled close to him and seemed to be keeping his distance but he had a massive goofy grin on his face and had his hands firmly planted on Toshiros shoulders.

'Let me go Kurosaki,' Toshiro scowled up at him and yet didn't struggle against the position he was in.

'I will if you come to lunch with me,' Ichigo continued to grin and it just made Toshiro scowl more.

'Fine, just one stupid lunch now let me up,' he snapped and elated, Ichigo let him go.

'Excellent,' the strawberrys tone was beyond ecstatic as he moved away to let Toshiro scramble out of his bed. Cheeks on fire Toshiro tried to summon his own reiatsu to drop the temperature in the room to a dangerous level but his stubborn zanpakuto was not permitting the ice to form. Sensing the inner conflict Ichigo chuckled and leaned back.

'I always did like Hyorinmaru,' he said as if fully understanding everything that was happening. During their tussle the covers had slipped dangerously low and were just covering his abdomen right above his… Toshiro quickly looked away again and slid off the bed. Somewhere in the back of his mind Hyorinmaru was melting at Ichigos words.

' _If you like him so much, why don't you date him?'_ Toshiro thought irritably to the dragon. It was very clear the dragons' amusement as he buzzed contently at the back of his mind before delivering a line that had Toshiros whole body heating up with embarrassment.

' _Because I do not have a physical body to love him with,'_ the dragon replied.

'S-Shouldn't we get a move on then?' Toshiro asked, his voice a few octaves higher as he beat Hyorinmaru into the back of his mind while the dragon laughed hysterically in his ear.

'Shouldn't we clean up first?' Ichigo laughed as he stretched out. Toshiro saw him move from the corner of his eye and quickly turned away. Ichigo shared the bathing chambers with the other men of division and now that he thought about it, it bothered him. His division attracted two major groups of people; women because of the equality he provided here, and gay men. Rangiku had made a point of moaning about it one day in his office when she'd tried to ask out yet another 'hottie' only to find out that he too was gay. She'd said it was Toshiros fault for attracting them all, even though he was a captain apparently they couldn't resist a cute little 'uke' or whatever she'd said. He didn't really understand it all but it was dawning on him that if they had a lot of gay male officers… and Ichigo was bathing with them… then that meant.

He swallowed thickly and narrowed his eyes as he glanced back around at Ichigo, now ignoring his partial nudity as he lay half under the covers gazing curiously at the Captain.

'We can bathe at mine, I have my own private shower… as you know.' He said and he watched Ichigos eyes go wide and his mouth fall open a little.

'N-Not like that!' Toshiro quickly corrected, 'n-not together,' he shook his head frantically from side to side, his cheeks going on fire again as he stammered. 'I-I just mean… I don't… you shouldn't… you're… it's-'

'You're so fucking cute when you can't speak,' Ichigos voice was purring and as Toshiro glanced at him he could see the twinkle of a caring look in his eyes as he gazed at him. The look was very much like old Ichigo, the Ichigo he was before he died and even though it was causing all kinds of anxiety in Toshiros little body it was nice to know that the Ichigo he had once known was still around, even if he had been somewhat modified by Rangiku.

'I-' he cleared his throat and folded his arms into the opposite sleeves of his haori, 'I was saying that you'd be better coming to mine since I refuse to bathe in the communal area.'

'That makes sense for you,' Ichigo was grinning and tilting his head to the side, 'but why do you want me to come back to yours for a shower?'

'I-' Toshiro scowled at him, 'if you want to go to the shared bathing area and be gawked at be my guest.' He was hoping Ichigo would just accept the offer without reading too much into the emotions behind it. As he spoke though a flash of something crossed Ichigos face and he grimaced before shaking his head.

'No, I'll come thank you for the offer,' he spoke quickly and Toshiro frowned. He maybe wasn't very good with emotional stuff but he had noticed that face that the strawberry had just pulled and he didn't like it.

'Has… something happened to you in the communal bathing area?' he asked.

'Well, I get stared at a lot and sometimes some of the guys will ask me out while I'm there and it's just uncomfortable as hell, especially when they come waddling up to me with a full hard on-'

'I don't need to know the finer details of this story,' Toshiro glanced around the room, feeling the heat creeping back up his neck again.

'Sorry,' Ichigo grinned, 'well anyway it just makes me uncomfortable so I'd love to come and shower at yours.'

'Alright,' Toshiro hesitated and frowned. He didn't like the idea of others looking at him when he was naked and judging by the look on Ichigos face he didn't like it much either.

'That's why I'll go and bathe through the night sometimes,' Ichigo said as he slipped out of bed. Toshiro quickly turned away when he realised that the male was wearing very little clothing.

'I see,' he felt like his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth. Why did he dislike the idea of others seeing Ichigo? Men went to the bath house together all the time. Perhaps it was because Toshiro knew how uncomfortable he'd be if it was him.

' _Baby, I'm jealous, jealous,'_ Hyorinmaru was singing in the back of his mind and Toshiro gritted his teeth as he tried his best to ignore him. It was something Toshiro had never had to deal with. Straight out of the Academy he'd become a seated officer and officers above the seat of 10 got their own private bathing chambers. They were still shared but as he only shared them with 8 other people, three of which were female and had their own he rarely ran into anyone if ever. That's what he'd have to do with Ichigo, as a third seat officer Ichigo would only have to share the seated officers bathing area with 3 other males since the majority of his seated officers were women. That was a much better number. Toshiro made a mental note to start the paperwork for Ichigos promotion as soon as he got back to the office after their lunch.

'Earth to Toshiro?' he asked and Toshiro started and glanced back to see a fully clothed Ichigo standing behind him tilting his head curiously.

'Hmm? What sorry?' Toshiro turned back around to face him and Ichigo smirked and rolled his eyes.

'Never mind, are you ready to go?' he asked walking towards the door and Toshiro stepped aside to let him pass.

'Yes,' he said following the taller male out into the bright sunlight. Thankfully there were no other souls to see him leaving Ichigos chamber dishevelled and in dire need of a shower.

They passed a couple of people on the way towards Toshiros quarters but no one glanced twice at them other than stopping to wish Toshiro a 'good morning Captain.'

Once they made it safely into his own chambers he allowed Ichigo to take the first shower, since the water only stayed hot for so long and the cold water didn't bother him in the slightest. Ichigo didn't object and was reasonably quick. Thankfully this time he just changed inside the bathroom before coming out unlike last time. Toshiro would still get a little hot around the collar when he thought about it.

'It's all yours,' he grinned as Toshiro walked passed him into the shower room and quickly ducked in for his own. He had some kind of fear that Ichigo was going to walk in on him so he showered quickly before stepping out, drying off and throwing on a clean uniform.

'Your spikes are back,' Ichigo laughed as Toshiro walked back into the main room. Ichigo was sitting casually down on his couch grinning up at him like a mad man and Toshiro couldn't help but smile at how casual he looked sitting there. Like it was his own living room.

'Yes,' he mumbled as he walked towards the door, 'they just needed a shower.'

'How does that work? I thought water weighed them down? Do you blow dry them up?' he asked following behind Toshiro as they both walked back outside.

'What's a blow dry?' Toshiro asked confused as he gazed up at Ichigo who merely laughed.

'Never mind then, how do you get them to stand up?'

'Where did you want to get food?' Toshiro asked, casually trying to avoid the topic as he started walking away in the direction of his division's gates.

'Shiro?' Ichigo whined and earned an exasperated sigh from Toshiros lips, 'why won't you tell me?' he moaned. Toshiro was drawing the mental image of a child taking a tantrum and stomping their feet from his tone. It was like he was conjuring the image with his voice alone.

'Because I'm too hungry to think,' Toshiro knew it was a lame excuse but at the exact same time Ichigos stomach gave a loud rumble and he blushed furiously.

'Whoops, guess I should have ate something last night before going to bed,' the taller male chuckled before shaking his head. 'Will we head to the Fudokoto?' he asked.

The fudokoto was the largest place to eat in the Seireitei, it had lots of options on its menu and the areas to eat in were often cornered off for couples, making Toshiro increasingly nervous at the thought of eating somewhere like that. He glanced around as if simply saying the name of the place was ensuring their engagement.

'Perhaps somewhere a little more public?' Toshiro asked with a frown, earning a grin from Ichigo.

'Why? Do you want to be seen with me?'

'Ah,' Toshiro turned his eyes back to him, 'good point.' He was sure he saw a flash of mischief in Ichigos eyes but it disappeared so quickly he didn't read too much into it as they turned and made their way towards the Fudokoto.

'Good afternoon Captain,' the waitress bowed to him and invited him to one of the booths reserved only for Captains. It was known that Toshiro didn't eat a lot but he was very surprised when it seemed like Ichigo was ordering half the menu of food.

'I'll have the chicken ramen, two portions of your makizushi, a portion of Yakitori and five chicken and five vegetable gyoza's but can you deep fry them instead of steaming them?' he asked as he handed his menu back. The waitress frantically scribbled his order and turned towards Toshiro.

'I'll have the pork base shio please,' he muttered and she left quickly.

'How can you work out so much and hardly eat?' Ichigo frowned and Toshiro smiled as he sipped at his glass of water.

'Discipline,' he shrugged his small shoulders but Ichigo just narrowed his eyes at him. It was true he'd been told by the Squad Four Captain that he was far too thin. It always came back on his medical checks and he'd actually nearly lost his captaincy a couple of times due to not falling into the appropriate health bracket for the job. True they took height into consideration and he knew that Gin Ichimaru had had similar problems when he was a Captain. In order to get over it one must have the written consent of the Head Captain himself to continue to serve at the post despite the health implications. Only Rangiku knew about this though and Head Captain Kyoraku who would probably have to sign him off every single year as clear for duty.

'Seriously you're so thin,' Ichigo hummed leaning across the table towards him. 'If I cooked for you, would you eat a little more?'

'It's not that I don't eat,' Toshiro sighed, he'd had this conversation a bunch of times with Rangiku. 'It's that I don't have time, paperwork is far too important.'

'You and your paperwork,' Ichigo hummed sitting back and gazing thoughtfully over the table towards him. 'You never answered my question though, if I cooked would you eat it?'

'You can cook?' Toshiro narrowed his eyes at him. There had been a time Rangiku had tried to cook him a meal and he'd been ill for three days.

'Yes, well I think I can,' he blinked and glanced up at the ceiling. 'I could try, I feel like it was something I did before…'

'I think I remember you talking about your sister Yuzu teaching you,' Toshiro said smiling as he remembered fondly one of those days where Ichigo was hanging out in his office.

'Then would you?'

'Would I what?'

'Let me cook for you sometime?' he grinned and Toshiro sighed and nodded.

'Fine, just don't poison me,' he muttered and Ichigo burst out laughing.

'Deal, of course,' he sat back and grinned over the table, 'I'll need a place to cook in. Could I borrow your kitchen?'

'W-what the?' Toshiro could feel himself getting irritated. 'Why don't you just move in?' he snapped sarcastically.

'That's rather forward of you but sure!' Ichigo laughed and Toshiro frantically tried to quell the situation.

'It was a joke Kurosaki!'

'No, no take backsies,'

'What are you? Five?'

'A five year old wouldn't be this big, or did you forget? I can show you again if you want?'

'WHAT! NO! STOP! PUT IT AWAY!' Toshiro had flown back from the table and watched as Ichigo laughed. Of course he'd been foolish to believe that Ichigo would have indeed brought any body part out in a restaurant. He wasn't that much of an idiot even if he was a pretty big idiot.

'Here's your food,' the waitress said glancing curiously between Ichigo who was laughing hysterically and Toshiro who was standing on the other side of the small chamber like room they were in.

'T-Thank you,' Toshiro mumbled as he walked forward and sat down. They ate and spoke about work, which was something Toshiro felt comfortable with. Toshiro tried to fill him in on his family and they arranged for a weekend where Ichigo could go and see them.

'I'll do the paperwork for that when I go back,' Toshiro smiled as he sat back full. He watched as Ichigo continued to eat, almost mesmerized by just how he could eat so much. Just when it looked like Ichigo was going to give up, he'd start eating again and Toshiro would bite back a smile.

'No,' Ichigo blocked Toshiros attempts to pay for the meal, 'I invited you out you're not paying.'

'I can pay for myself-'

'Just accept the kindness Toshiro,' Ichigo rolled his eyes and the waitress left with the money.

'Alright, sorry, thank you,' he muttered, realising he had potentially been a little rude. After all if he'd invited someone else out he'd have demanded to pay, it was just good manners.

'Anyway I was going to say,' he muttered and glanced around. 'Was there a reason why we weren't dating before?'

'W-what?' Toshiro asked, not fully understanding the question.

'Well,' Ichigo looked a little uncomfortable now and then a blush was creeping across his face. It looked good on him, next to his orange hair. 'I mean, I find you _very_ attractive, and I'm pretty strong. In strength alone I can easily match a Captain so… was there a reason why we weren't dating?'

'I…' it was nice to have Ichigo finally believe that they weren't together after all but this was a rather awkward conversation.

'I mean if you don't find me attractive that's totally cool but I know you're interested in men, Rangiku told me that.' He tilted his head to the side with a fond smile on his face, 'and though I've had reason to doubt other things she's told me I think she's telling me the truth about that.'

Toshiro didn't really know what to say, he didn't really have a logical answer as he gazed down at his hands. He could feel his face heat up as Ichigo continued to push.

'I think we'd be good together, I really do, won't you at least think about it?'

Toshiro could feel that panic rising inside him again, the thought of letting another person in, of being hurt. Panic about sex and all things that came with being sexually close to someone.

'I promise I'd treat you with respect, I'd not do anything you didn't want me too, I just want to get close to you. Get to know you better.'

'No,' Toshiro felt his lips moving and a huge part of him was screaming for them to stop. Ichigos smile slid off his face.

'Why not?'

'Because…'

'You have to give me a better answer than that,' Ichigo frowned.

'Because I am not attracted to you.'

'Oh,' Ichigos smile faltered and fell off his face. Instantly Toshiro regretted it as he watched Ichigo glance down at his own hands as he played with the fabric of his uniform.

'I'm sorry,' Toshiro mumbled suddenly feeling awkward and uncomfortable. He wasn't sure why he'd said it because the truth was he found Ichigo incredibly attractive.

'No it's alright,' Ichigo tried to smile but it failed on his face and Toshiro felt his heart sink. 'A lot of people can't get by the red hair.'

'It's not your hair,' Toshiro sighed, 'who am I to dislike someone for their hair colour?'

'Good point,' Ichigo grinned, 'is it my height?'

'No…'

'Is it my build?'

'No…'

'Is it my mannerisms?'

'No…'

'So… what is it?' Ichigo was frowning again and Toshiro groaned in exasperation.

'I'm just not attracted to anyone right now,' he said, finally speaking the truth for once. 'I'm just not ready for all that,' he waved between them, 'stuff.'

'Oh,' Ichigo sat back and regarded him for a while. 'So it's not that you don't find me personally attractive it's that you don't find anyone attractive?'

'Exactly,' Toshiro mumbled, folding his arms into the sleeves of his haori again, 'now can I please go?'

'Do you find paperwork attractive?' Ichigo chuckled, 'is that why you _do_ that all the time?'

Toshiro didn't wait for him, he just walked out.

 **XxXxX**

Hyorinmaru was livid with him. Toshiro had meant to head straight to the office to do his paperwork but the dragon was in such a horrible mood that Toshiro knew he wouldn't be able to focus. So instead he'd gone to the grounds to meditate and try and appease the dragon. As it were, Hyorinmaru wouldn't even speak to him. Inside his frosty inner world the dragon was somewhere up in the clouds and refusing to come down. He wouldn't listen to Toshiro no matter how many times he commanded him and the ice wielder was starting to grow impatient.

'What do you want me to say?' he called up into the darkened icy skies, 'sorry?' he asked walking off in the direction where he last saw the great dragon disappear above the clouds. 'I'm sorry I'm not ready? Sorry I'm not ready for someone to get close to me. Sorry I'm not ready to have sex? Sorry I am only interested in my job and protecting others? Sorry that I don't indulge myself in any aspect of my life? Well here it is; I'm sorry for being me.'

He huffed, crossing his arms and glaring up at the skies as the cloud cover broke and the huge dragon swept down towards him. He landed on the earth with a trembling rumble in his chest that shook the ground under Toshiros feet. The prodigy wasn't scared of his own zanpakuto but he was apprehensive with his anger. He'd not displayed aggression like this since the great zanpakuto rebellion.

'You should be sorry,' the dragon growled, 'you should be sorry for not indulging. For if there is one thing you could do with indulging yourself in master it is the affection of others. Do you know why I came to you when you were so young?' the dragon growled, 'I came because you were lonely. It hurts me to see that even I the great Hyorinmaru cannot appease the loneliness in your heart. For it was never me you needed, and though I've accepted that you cannot.'

'Hyorinmaru…' Toshiro tried to reach up towards the dragon who jerked his great serpent like head away.

'And now,' he growled continuing with his speech, 'you have a chance to join with someone… another who fully accepts you as you are just as you've always wanted and yet you deny him and what's worse? You hurt him…'

'I don't mean…' Toshiro gazed down at his feet. His stomach was doing the weird clenching thing again.

'You've run from being with another for so long you think it's something to fear. I can assure you after having lived over a hundred lives it is not,' he stretched out his great icy wings. 'Why do you continue to deny yourself the thing you need the most?'

'I-' Toshiro frowned and shook his head, 'because I am scared.'

'Fear only comes with uncertainty and yet I am so sure of Ichigos feelings for you. So the only thing you have to fear is your own feelings,' he rumbled and Toshiro gulped.

'What would you have me do?' Toshiro asked his voice barely above a whisper but the dragon could hear him regardless.

'Speak with Ichigo, an honest conversation where you don't leave. Sit him down and talk to him about all this.'

'He'd see me as less of a man- OUCH!'

Toshiro had just been hit over the back of his head by the great serpents giant tail.

'Real men do not run from fear,' he hissed, 'real men learn and grow from it. Real men face it, by running you're nothing but a coward and that makes you far less of a man than one who admits his feelings.'

'I will try,' he muttered into the air between them. The words hung there, quivering for a while as the dragon digested them. The furry seemed to quell and disperse as he finally accepted this. Then he stretched his great wings and took back off into the sky, this time he wasn't angry though. He was just trying to clear his own emotions and work through them.

Toshiro opened his eyes and sighed. The sun was setting in the distance and the darkness of the trees stretched out towards his crossed legs, the cold grass happily accepting their shadows. He turned his head to gaze off towards the rooftops of the distant barracks where he could hear the calls of people heading for a night out.

'I will try,' he mumbled again and he stood, picking Hyorinmaru up and placing him back in place inside his sheath. He began his walk back, aware he must have been meditating and pleading with his dragon for hours. He'd already skipped another meal of the day and yet he didn't care. He knew that the squad four Captain would have a fit if she ever found out.

He made his way back towards his office, he'd file the two pieces of paperwork for Ichigo at least. The one for him to go and see his family and the one for his promotion, it was the least he could do for the tall strawberry. Then he could tackle the mountain of his own paperwork the next morning. He walked into the office and towards his desk. Something was different, there was a huge pile of papers which had been moved from one side to the other and he scowled. If Rangiku had done something to mess with him he'd not be pleased. He made his way around the desk and looked at the pile of paper. They looked… complete? He blinked in surprise and picked the files up… he flicked through one after the other. They were all completed and properly too.

'What the?' he narrowed his eyes at the hand writing, it wasn't the elegant scrawl of Rangiku or the 'I can't be bothered' scrawl of Rangiku either. This handwriting was scratchier, it was new. The person seemed to use a harsh amount of ink as they wrote and seemed to learn halfway down the page not to use so much. That's where the writing turned from a harsh thick black to a neater grey.

'Oh, you're back?' a voice called and Toshiro glanced up to see Ichigo walking in, carrying a stack of paperwork under his arm. He closed over the door with a soft smile.

'Kurosaki?' Toshiro questioned, 'did you do all this?' he waved down at the paper.

'Yes,' Ichigo smiled, 'think of it as a resume for the third seat position. I heard they get their own bathing area.' He smiled as he walked forward and placed the last file down on the desk. Toshiro picked it up and glanced through the report. It was one that had to be signed off by the head Captain. Normally only a Captain or Lieutenant could request an audience with the head Captain but Ichigo seemed to have had no problem getting the chance to get Kyoraku's signature.

'And…' he continued and Toshiro glanced up watching the strawberry rub the back of his head nervously, 'I wanted to say sorry.'

'Sorry?' Toshiro started, 'what on earth do you have to be sorry for?'

'I don't know…' he shrugged timidly, 'for pushing you? For making you uncomfortable? I don't want to make you any of those things.'

'Kurosaki…' Toshiro closed the file over and set it down on the table.

'But you should know Toshiro, I won't ever stop trying to win your affection,' he smiled pleasantly at him and Toshiro felt his heart skip a beat.

'I'm sorry too,' he muttered glancing down at the table. 'I've not been entirely honest. What I said before was all true but you should know…' he swallowed thickly, 'that I _am_ attracted to you. I'm just not good… not good at all this. It's all new to me and I'd much rather face over a million foes in battle than to deal with all this.' He glanced up to see a stupid grin on Ichigos face. 'What?'

'I'm sorry I wasn't listening beyond the part where you said you were attracted to me,' he chuckled and Toshiro sighed. He felt colour rising in his cheeks again as he glanced down at his desk.

'Be serious,' he muttered.

'I am, look Toshiro. I'm not going to stand here and act like you should toss all your anxieties to the wind and run away with me to live happily ever after. Your anxieties are there and they exist for a reason. Because you care and because you care about all those nagging thoughts inside your head I want to care about them too.' The strawberry was still grinning like an idiot and seemed to be biting his lip to try and stop it when Toshiro glanced back up at him. His whole body language had changed and he looked much more confident as he took a couple of steps into the office. He was emitting that raw confidence he only ever emitted when he was about to take on a significant enemy and just like before Toshiro found it incredibly attractive.

'If we _tried,_ I'd want to be your partner,' he softened his grin into a smile, 'someone who worked _with_ you on all of this. Your fears and anxieties would be mine too and we'd work through them together the way a partnership would. I'd never ever stop trying to make you happy.'

'Ichigo…' Toshiro breathed his name in disbelief.

'All I'm wanting,' he muttered as he took another brave step forward, 'is a chance? I won't do anything you don't want me to do. I won't even kiss you for years if it's not something you want me to do. I promise I won't make any kind of move unless you want me to, all I want is for you to be happy… and maybe for me to take some of the paperwork off your hands… and feed you.' He grinned again and Toshiro smiled shyly back down at his own hands.

'What do I have to do in return?' he asked nervously.

'Just keep using my first name?' he asked with a charming grin and when Toshiro looked back up he was a little closer now. He made his way around the desk carefully and held out his giant hand. Toshiro gulped and reached out to place one of his own into his hand. Very gently Ichigo closed over his, encasing Toshiros tiny hand in his own. The size difference was hysterical, yet Ichigo didn't seem to find it funny.

'That's all you want?' Toshiro frowned, his heart was hammering in his chest, 'is for me to use your first name?'

'Yes,' he was smiling again, 'it's a start.'

'And you promise we won't move too fast?' his heart was threatening to beat out of his chest. He was so terrified right now and he tried to focus on his breathing and the soothing feeling of Ichigos thumb rubbing gently against his own.

'I promise to take everything slow.'

'But you're a teenage boy you'll get impatient… and I'll feel pressure to… to do stuff.'

'The only pressure you'll feel is pressure you put on yourself Toshiro. I won't put any on you, of that I promise.' Ichigo flipped his hand around so Toshiros palm was facing up and he brought his other hand up to gently trace against his palm with a finger, a content smile on his lips. 'I'll be happy just being close to you.'

'You say that now,' he muttered, 'but what about in ten years' time?'

'Well,' Ichigo was smirking now, 'if you can… you know… not jump me in that time.' He rolled his eyes and Toshiro felt some of his anxiety ebb away to amusement. 'Which I know will be incredibly difficult for you, given that you're just _so_ _attracted_ to me.'

'Shut up,' Toshiro chuckled trying to pull his hand playfully back but Ichigo reached back out for it with a kind smile on his face.

'If it takes ten years before you even kiss me, I know every day will have been worth the wait because I was waiting for you.'

'You're so corny,' Toshiro rolled his eyes.

'And yet you're grinning like an idiot,' he chuckled back and Toshiro tried to bite his lip to get rid of the grin but it failed.

'I'll leave you to think about it,' Ichigo smiled kindly, 'take your time. What I am offering is a partnership. Your worries will become mine and we'll work through everything together. Carefully and slowly… I promise.'

'Alright,' Toshiro nodded, aware his heart had calmed down as Ichigos stroking on his palm stopped.

'Can I kiss your hand?' he asked carefully and Toshiro felt heat creep up his neck and across his face.

'If you want,' he muttered, 'you weirdo.' With a grin Ichigo flipped his hand back around and leaned down carefully brushing his lips against the white knuckles.

'Goodnight Toshiro, I hope you have a pleasant sleep.' He let go of his hand and Toshiro let it fall uselessly to his side. The warmth of Ichigos caresses lingering on his skin. 'You too Hyorinmaru,' the strawberry grinned and Toshiro rolled his eyes as he felt the dragon purr contently in the back of his mind. Ichigo swept from the room leaving a warmth settling into Toshiros cold bones.

'Maybe this won't be as bad as I thought,' Toshiro mumbled to himself as he pulled out the two forms he needed to complete for Ichigo.

'If the grin on your face is anything to go by Master,' the dragon purred, 'I'd assume not.'

 **XxXxX**

 **Like I mentioned before, this fic is going to be taking a back seat in favour of my other two fics which are getting way more reviews and attention. So if you don't want this fic to get cut short or scrapped. Please. Please review.**

 **It takes me half a day to write a chapter, it will only take you 2 minutes to leave a review. You don't even need an account to leave one and it means so much to me!**


	5. Innocent Steps

**I am so sorry about my absence from ALL my current fics! RSI has flared up badly in my left hand from all my fic writing so I had to give myself a decent break for a while and to top it all off work has been manic :(**  
 **I WILL NEVER let a story just die, but once I finish my current 3 I'll likely only ever post 2 at one time. Lesson learnt. I have written something else, something I thought would be a 1 shot but likely will turn out to be more than that. Another Ichigo / Tosh fic that just came to me but I won't publish it until I'm sure of it or it's finished.**

 **I'd like to thank EVERYONE for your amazing (and sometimes surprisingly lengthy) reviews. You know I love a long one ;D**

 **Huge thanks to ShiroShipShipShipShip, Minty, Maria Gv, Nico Zi, Geishaaa, and Guest 1 and Guest 2!**

 **XxXxX**

Not much had changed, which was good. Toshiro thought to himself as he sat down at his home desk. He and Ichigo had been… together? Now for several months. Not that Toshiro was counting or anything… With a sigh he placed the current file down on the edge of his desk and blew on his tea as he let his eyes glance over the other sheets of work.

Nothing had changed between the two of them. Ichigo had only really been acting like a close friend. They'd not even kissed yet. Not that he wanted too of course. Toshiro took a sip of his tea and placed the cup back down on his desk while glancing at his lap. He moved his hands to lay them on his legs and he fidgeted with the edge of his tied obi. Ichigo had said that they'd move slowly but he was sure the slowest people in the history of slowest people had at least kissed by this point.

Again, not that he wanted to. He wasn't ready for all that kind of stuff and Ichigo knew that. The strawberry didn't seem to be getting impatient or anything, actually the opposite. He was elated and every single time he saw Toshiro his face would erupt into a massive grin. However they'd not really done anything that a couple would normally do, they'd only been out on a handful of dates and they never stayed over.

Toshiro sighed and leaned back on his chair, shifting his focus away from the fidgeting of his obi and towards the edge of the desk where he picked at a flaking piece of wood. Toshiro often forgot that they were something more than friends, except every now and again when Ichigo would come by to drop something off or sign something beside him and their arms would brush. Sometimes he'd be close enough to make out each and every individual eyelash on Ichigos eyelid. Rangiku seemed to have noticed a change in the atmosphere or perhaps Ichigo had mentioned something to her? Because anytime Ichigo came into the office she'd conveniently leave. Normally it would piss Toshiro off because she'd just be avoiding paperwork like she always did but he wasn't too bothered about it now that they had Ichigo as their third seat.

His promotion went through smoothly. No one asked any questions as to why he was promoted and he kept his word. He was an incredibly hard worker and did more than his share of the paperwork as well as training the troops. Toshiro wasn't sure if he was doing it because it was his job or doing it to impress him. As Toshiro sat pondering there was a soft knock at his front door. Toshiro decided to take this as a distraction and rose completely from his desk and made his way over to the kitchen area for a fresh cup of tea.

'Come in,' he said and glanced over to see Ichigo sliding the door back and stepping in. He'd been on a late night training drill with the recruits the night before waking them up through the night to test their reaction and ability to ready for a fight in limited time. Toshiro had told him to take the morning off and catch up on his sleep but judging by the dark rings under his eyes he hadn't done that.

'I just have a couple more documents for you to sign,' he mumbled as he shuffled towards the kitchen. Toshiro frowned at him, he didn't need his third seat exhausting himself and getting himself run down.

'Ichigo I told you to take the morning off,' Toshiro continued to frown at him. As if on cue the strawberry grinned. He did this every single time Toshiro used his first name, no matter how exhausted he was.

'I know but these are important too,' he was practically slumping down on Toshiros counter as he thrust the papers across. Toshiro clicked his tongue disapprovingly, he could state that he'd given him an order to take the morning off and he was undermining him by not doing it. However he knew Ichigo would just roll his eyes and come up with some kind of witty excuse so there really was no point in trying. Toshiro took the papers from the counter and made his way back towards his desk where he proceeded to sign them with a flourish. There was no noise or chatting as he worked and after a couple of minutes he was putting them into a stack together along with some of his own to be filed away. When he turned back around Ichigo was sleeping on his kitchen counter. His body slumped across it and his face peaceful looking. His jaw had gone slack and his mouth was hanging open a little and Toshiro took a minute to observe the sleeping warrior. The last time Toshiro had stayed at his Ichigo had been awake before him and gone to sleep after him so he'd never had a chance to see what he looked like while sleeping. That had been the night that Toshiro had been too exhausted he'd collapsed in Ichigos bed. The event was still embarrassing to him and yet here Ichigo was practically doing the same.

'He should stay here master, he's exhausted,' it was Hyorinmaru and Toshiro knew he was going to agree with his ice dragon. It would be so cruel to send Ichigo home in this state when the seated officer barracks were a good twenty minutes away from his own private living quarters. So Toshiro walked over to him and gently roused him.

'S'happenin?' Ichigo mumbled as he came to.

'Come on,' Toshiro smiled, 'you can stay here with me tonight, just for tonight,' he prayed Ichigo wasn't going to make an inappropriate joke. Thankfully he didn't and instead the strawberry just gave a sleepy yawn and nodded, following behind Toshiro as he led him through to the bedroom. Toshiro normally changed into his jinbei before bed so he pulled it off his night stand where it was folded and let Ichigo practically flop down onto his bed.

'I can sleep on the couch,' he whispered to the fallen warrior.

'No,' Ichigo mumbled, 'stay with me. Promise I won't do nuffing,' he mumbled into the covers and Toshiro glanced around his room. Would it be so bad to sleep beside him? The bed was large enough and he wouldn't take up much room.

'Okay,' he mumbled, 'I'll just get changed first though,' he made his way through to his bathroom to clean up and get changed. He took his time with this, feeling a little awkward now that he fully comprehended what he'd done. He'd just offered for Ichigo to sleep over and in his bed, this was actually a pretty big step forward for their relationship even if the strawberry was already passed out and exhausted. They hadn't even kissed yet. Toshiro cleaned his teeth deliberately slowly as he tried to fight back the wave of sudden anxiety that was crushing down on him. The trick was to try and nip it in the bud before the anxiety had a chance to properly manifest so he attempted to shut down his thoughts as he concentrated solely on washing his face. Once he was sure everything was clean including his ears he made his way back through to the bedroom. Ichigo was literally out cold. He was so out of it that Toshiro actually crawled across to his side of the bed to check he was still breathing after a small moment of panic.

'Stupid,' he muttered to himself, pulling his hand back where he'd been holding it out to feel for Ichigos breath. 'Of course he's alright,' Toshiro rolled his eyes, Ichigo had gotten a little better at controlling and concealing his own spiritual pressure but when he slept that control evaporated. He could feel the steady thrum of it around his room now that he actually focused his mind on it. He tugged at his silver jinbei collar and attempted to lie down beside Ichigo. It felt strange. He had never shared his bed with anyone before, except one time when he was really ill with stress and Rangiku had come over to watch some movies and fallen asleep beside him. This was different though, this was intimate. Was it? He glanced across at the sleeping strawberry. His face was turned away from him and so Toshiro just studied the back of his head where each of his spikes sat beautifully. They reflected his lamp light perfectly and the sight was strangely comforting. If asked, Toshiro was sure he'd say orange was his new favourite colour. He shook the thoughts from his mind and turned to switch his light off before settling down into the covers. This wasn't so bad… there was just a bit of additional weight and he was restricted with how much covers he could have because Ichigo was lying on top of half of them. Other than this nothing else was different.

Toshiro strained his ears listening to the sound of Ichigos calm breaths. It was nice to know he wasn't a snorer. Not that he planned on sleeping over with Ichigo often or anything. The thought made him bury his head down into his covers in embarrassment. No absolutely not, this was a one time kind of thing because of the fact he'd been so bloody exhausted. He must have been awake for over 36 hours. It took Toshiro a lot longer than normal but eventually he grew used to the extra weight and the restricted covers and soon he was falling into a light sleep.

 **XxXxX**

'Captain,' Rangiku sang as he briskly walked into the office. 'Captain your face is all red, what's wrong?' she asked tilting her head to the side as Toshiro did his best not to look at her. He made his way over to his desk where he sat down and fixed his eyes steadily on his reports.

He was not going to answer her.

Waking up that morning had been… an experience. Ichigo had somehow managed to wiggle under the covers without waking him and when Toshiro came too one of the strawberrys arms were thrown over his side. He could feel the weight of it resting just above his left hip as he lay on his side. Toshiro could feel his own heart hammering in his chest as panic started to seep in. He didn't like it, he didn't like being touched. He didn't like that Ichigo was hugging him in bed and as Toshiro squirmed around to try and remove the offending limb he realised that Ichigo must have discarded the top of his shihakusho during the night as it lay tossed at the bottom of the bed. The strawberrys bare chest was on show as Toshiro turned over and it was dangerously close to him.

His breathing picked up, his heart thudded in his ears and before he knew it he was hyperventilating. He knew this had been a bad idea from the start. He couldn't do this, he couldn't be this close to someone. He wanted to shove the strawberry away but there was something stopping him. He didn't want to hurt Ichigo, who looked so peaceful as he slept even if he was starting to stir with the movements in the bed. Soon one large hazel eye opened followed by the other and they blinked awake. Toshiro wasn't sure what Ichigo was seeing in his own eyes or facial expression that made the strawberry sit bold upright but it couldn't have been good.

'Toshiro?' he asked, his voice full of concern. 'Toshiro breathe!' Flinching, Toshiro took in a deep breath and realised he'd been holding out on doing it since turning over to see Ichigo. The breath raked his chest and his lungs drunk it greedily as if he'd been silently drowning.

'What's wrong?' Ichigo was leaning over him, a large hand coming to gently cup his cheek. Toshiro felt his own eyes widen at the movement, the panic really starting to set in now. This was too difficult for him, he didn't want this. He couldn't do this, he'd been stupid to ever pretend otherwise.

'I-' he gasped, trying to do his best to steady his voice and his shaking his hands.

'Are you having a panic attack?' Ichigo asked, his voice full of nothing but care.

'I can't,' Toshiro could feel his eyes beginning to sting as he stared up into those warm chocolate pools. 'I can't breathe,' he muttered. It was true his breathing was ragged and his mind was going a million miles a minute. It was impossible to claw logical thoughts back once this phase of the attack had started.

'Shhh,' Ichigo cooed, his thumb now stroking gently across his cheek. 'Don't focus on anything else, nothing else except this.' He continued to rub his thumb against his cheek and Toshiro whined closing over his eyes. It was helping a little but not much. His mind was still lingering on the fact that Ichigo was topless and in his bed, what if the strawberry tried to make a move on him? What if they'd never be able to be together physically? What if Toshiro could never be the lover that Ichigo wanted? What if they got ridiculed for their relationship? What if…? What if…? What if…?

'Toshiro,' Ichigo muttered and Toshiro opened his eyes again, 'keep breathing.' Once again Toshiro had to be instructed to do the most basic of human tasks. He breathed back in and lifted his shaking hands up to clasp at the front of his jinbei. His chest was aching because he couldn't get his breathing right. Then Ichigo moved down and very gently placed his lips against Toshiros own.

The shock was enough to wipe his mind clean of thoughts. The strawberry's lips were slightly moistened from the inside as he'd puckered them, but the outside of his lips were a little dryer and slightly rougher. Ichigos breath was ghosting over Toshiros cheek and soon the Captain forced his own breathing to fall into rhythm with it as he finally closed his eyes.

So this was a kiss?

This was his very first ever kiss.

It wasn't so bad. He concluded as he continued to focus on Ichigos breath on his cheek and his own breathing. His nose was a little blocked by Ichigos cheek as the strawberry had tilted his head to reach his lips but it was still room enough to breathe a little. The seconds stretched on forever and soon Ichigo pulled away. Toshiro opened his eyes to see Ichigos brows furrowed with worry as his hazel eyes darted across his own face taking in his expression and everything else.

'I literally had no idea what else to do,' he blinked stupidly down at him. 'I'm sorry.'

'I-it's okay,' Toshiro muttered and he knew as he said it that it was true. In fact the kiss had calmed his over productive and irrational thoughts and his breathing had returned to normal. 'T-that wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be…' he muttered finally, only to watch the strawberrys face crumple.

'You thought our first kiss would be bad?' he mumbled clearly a little hurt by the comment.

'Oh,' Toshiros eyes went wide, 'no, not that I thought it'd be bad… just I thought maybe I'd be bad at it.'

'Oh,' Ichigos face exploded into a large grin, 'now that you mention it…'

'What?' Toshiro could feel colour creeping up into his cheeks. Had it been a bad kiss? Had he been a bad kisser?

'Well, it's always nice to reciprocate a little,' Ichigo chuckled and Toshiro huffed.

'It wasn't like I was expecting it. It's been months since you kissed my hand and we decided to give this a go and you've not made any move, not a single indication that-' Toshiro was cut off again as Ichigo reached back down to capture his lips once more. The shock wore off quicker this time and he closed his eyes. Truth was, he didn't have a clue what to do, but this time he puckered his own lips to match the movement that Ichigos had made. It meant the inside of his own lips, the moistened part was touching Ichigos own and that thought sent a strange shiver down Toshiros body. This was by far the most intimate he'd ever been with anyone and yet it could still only be classed as skin on skin contact. Ichigo moved a little and placed his weight on one of his arms to the side of Toshiros head. He felt the movement in the mattress and he felt the males other large hand come to pull his own trembling hands away from the front of his jinbei. Toshiro allowed them to be removed and Ichigo took his right hand in his left and directed it around the back of his own neck. Following his lead, Toshiro let his fingers trail gently over the skin of Ichigos neck before sliding up into his orange spikes. He didn't really know what else to do, so he just threaded his fingers there. The feeling of Ichigos hair was different to how he imagined, he expected the spikes to be rough but they were softer than cotton. Seemingly pleased with how things were going Ichigo used his left hand to support himself again as he hovered over Toshiro. Then he opened his mouth against Toshiros lips. At first Toshiro had no idea what the strawberry was trying to accomplish but he copied him anyway. Ichigo gently coaxed his own lips open and then he felt the strawberries breath infiltrate his mouth. A number of feelings overwhelmed Toshiro in one go at this point, his fingers subconsciously tightened their hold into the orange spikes. He felt a shiver unlike anything he'd ever felt before run up and down his body and before he knew it a heat was pooling between his legs. He'd never felt anything like this before. The thrum of anxiety was slowly being replaced by a delicate array of fluttering butterflies in the pit of his stomach.

Ichigo moved their lips closed again and Toshiro followed his lead. The strawberry clearly knew what he was doing and Toshiro wasn't really sure why he'd been panicking in the first place. Ichigo wasn't here to hurt him. He repeated that over and over again in his mind. But there was still one nagging doubt that soon had him gently shoving his other hand against the strawberry's chest.

Instantly Ichigo pulled away leaving Toshiro to breathe deeply. Ichigos eyes were flickering across Toshiros face again as if trying to work out why he'd been pushed back.

'Sorry,' he muttered eventually, 'did I go too far?'

'I just…' Toshiro closed his eyes and he felt a swell of emotion rising in his chest. 'I just need a moment.'

'No something's wrong,' Ichigo muttered his hand once again returning to Toshiros cheek.

'I…' Toshiro gulped, he closed over his eyes and looked away. 'It's nothing.'

'Tell me,' Ichigo leaned down so that their faces were literally inches apart and Toshiro turned back to him a little embarrassed by the proximity.

'You… forgot me so easily when you died,' he muttered, his eyes closing over. 'Momo died, everyone that I care about… they leave eventually.'

'Ah,' Ichigo muttered but something in his voice had Toshiro opening his eyes to glance back at him again. He looked almost a little guilty.

'What?'

'Well,' Ichigo bit his lower lip and the movement drew Toshiros attention to it. He'd never realised just how full Ichigos lips were, or how bright and pink they were. He gave himself a mental shake and went back to giving Ichigo his best scolding gaze.

'Truth is…' Ichigo let out a shaky breath and chuckled a little, 'I never forgot you. I remember everything, right up to and including my death.'

Toshiro froze in the bed and his eyes went wide as he digested those words. He remembered everything? So what? He'd been lying this entire time? Toshiro could feel himself starting to glare.

'Before you get mad,' Ichigo quickly sat back letting the covers fall down over him to reveal his bare chest which Toshiro was doing his best to ignore in favour of glaring at his face. 'Please hear me out.'

'You've got five minutes,' Toshiro said, his voice laced with venom.

'I'm in love with you,' he said and Toshiro blinked at him.

'What?'

'I love you,' he glanced down at Toshiros stomach so that their eyes weren't meeting anymore. 'I love you and I didn't stand a chance. So when I came back I figured maybe if I could change, if I could be a different person. Maybe then you'd like me? So I pretended to not remember anything or anyone, not even my own family.' He sighed and shook his head, 'Rangiku figured me out, she knew me too well and I'd often slip up around you. She noticed it and helped me come up with a plan, pretending she'd told me I was your boyfriend. It seemed to be working, you seemed to be letting me in.'

'So you lied?' he muttered, 'all this time?'

'I'm sorry,' he sighed, 'but I'd never forgotten you Toshiro. How could I ever forget you?' his eyes rose back to meet Toshiros. 'Even in death I couldn't forget you.'

Toshiro wasn't really sure what to say or do. How on earth was he meant to feel about all this? On one side Ichigo had lied to him, for months he'd never said the truth. On the other hand he'd done it to try and get a little close to him. Perhaps this was a revelation of his character more than Ichigos? Toshiro was so closed off. The cold Captain of ice, it was no wonder that Ichigo needed to lie just to get a little closer to him. He glanced away, his eyes flickering over the back wall of his room. He had no concept of what time it was but he could see the top of the sun flitting in through his window now hitting the top of his bedroom door. It must have been around seven in the morning.

'Toshiro?' Ichigo asked timidly after a while of not speaking and Toshiro breathed out.

'I don't know how I feel about this,' he muttered, 'on one hand I am glad that you never forgot me, but on the other…' he shifted his eyes back to Ichigos, 'you lied for so long you lied to me.'

'I know,' Ichigo looked genuinely guilty, 'I am so sorry, I could say it over and over a million times but it would never be enough to express how sorry I am. I just want you to know that I could never ever forget you. I love you too much.'

'In that case I'll apologise as well,' Toshiro brought one of his hands up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

'What for?'

'For being such a closed off ice wall that you felt like the only way to get to me was to lie.' He mumbled, 'I'm not forgiving you for it, but I know I could have made it easier. If I'd been a little warmer to you before it all… you'd never have needed to lie to get closer to me.'

'That's not your fault,' Ichigo defended, 'that's just who you are.'

'Yes but I don't want to be like that,' the fingers pinched on the bridge of his nose slid away and instead he rubbed his entire hand across his face.

'What do you want to be like?' Ichigo asked.

'I don't know, warmer?' he was struggling to get the words out. Truth was Ichigo was making him feel things he'd never felt before in his life and though part of him was curious another part of him was scared as hell. Though most of his fears had been blasted out the water he was now left with some certainty that he did want to be with Ichigo and that had taken him months to fully accept. The kiss had also eased his mind, he'd been panicking about a lot of physical aspects of their relationship. However Ichigo had kissed him and he hadn't died from it so what else was there to worry about? He'd proven today that he could do this, that he could handle this and now that he knew he wouldn't be forgotten part of him felt safer giving in a little more of himself.

Hyorinmaru was purring in the back of his mind as he thought through all of this. Ichigo seemed to be giving him time to sift through his thoughts too. He was feeling a little surer of himself even if he were still a little embarrassed.

'But,' Toshiro mumbled, 'if you _ever_ lie to me like that again,' he lifted his hand away to glare at Ichigo. 'So help me god I'll freeze the parts that make you a man.' Ichigo blinked in surprise at the words that had flown from his mouth then he was smiling, then grinning and before Toshiro could stop it he'd erupted into a massive fit of laughter.

'What's so funny?' Toshiro asked, trying to make his voice annoyed and pissed off but part of him was smiling.

'It's just,' Ichigo spoke between breaths, 'that's the most sexual thing you've ever said and it wasn't even intended that way.' He laughed again and Toshiro bit his lower lip in a stupid attempt to glare at him but his face wasn't letting him.

'It's a serious threat,' he muttered finally.

'I'm not denying that,' Ichigo smiled as he rolled away to lie beside Toshiro and propped himself up on an elbow. 'I'm just laughing because you get so flustered when you even get close or _see_ those parts and you expect me to believe you'd be able to find them to freeze them?'

'I'll just freeze all of you then,' Toshiro huffed crossing his arms across his chest.

'That's more believable,' Ichigo chuckled and nodded his head, 'I promise no more lies ever again. No matter what they're intended for. Unless it's something like a birthday surprise or something, I'll not spoil things like that.' Ichigo rolled his eyes and Toshiro smiled to himself. He was feeling a lot lighter and he wasn't sure why. He'd just found Ichigo had been lying to him for ages.

He'd been lying because he loved him though. That was a little different?

'Anyway,' Ichigo muttered drawing Toshiros attention back to him and his eyes had gone softer again, all traces of humour gone from them. 'Thank you for letting me kiss you. I've wanted to kiss you for years.'

'Oh,' Toshiro could feel colour rising in his cheeks again and he glanced away. 'Well you didn't really give me much choice.'

'It stopped your panic attack though didn't it?' Ichigo was clearly smiling again and Toshiro pulled his covers up over his head and hid under them. He was getting embarrassed again.

'Shut up,' he muttered through the covers but Ichigo wasn't having any of it. He pulled the covers down over his face until Toshiros eyes were poking back out and Toshiro huffed with a final tug as he pulled them completely away.

'You're so cute,' Ichigo sighed contently reaching up above Toshiros head.

'What are you doing?' Toshiro asked, tilting his head back to try and see where his hand was going when he felt his fingers threading through his hair. Toshiros whole body froze in an instant.

'Do you want me to stop?' Ichigo asked after a moment a small smile on his lips like he knew the answer.

'N-no,' Toshiro blinked. Such a tiny gesture and yet he could feel his entire body relaxing into it as Ichigo continued to thread his fingers through Toshiros spikes.

'What would you like me to do?' Ichigo asked and Toshiro gulped, there were a couple of things he wanted. He wanted Ichigo to comb his hair like this until he fell asleep but he also wanted another kiss. He'd just been getting used to that feeling and he wanted to feel it again. He tilted his head to the side to try and see Ichigo better as the strawberry watched his own fingers threading through the white locks.

'I don't know,' Toshiro mumbled, 'something…'

'What?' Ichigo chuckled, tearing his eyes away from the top of his head to meet his own gaze. 'Can I kiss you again?'

'O-kay,' Toshiro mumbled lazily and Ichigo pulled his fingers back to lean back over him and kiss him again. The peck started gently, same as before. Then his mouth was moving once again and Toshiro was soon sighing into Ichigos open mouth. He could get used to this. If this was how all his panic attacks ended then he'd happily have them more often.

They kissed until Toshiro was sure his lips would fall off and Ichigo had pulled away to hover above him again. Toshiro hadn't noticed his body's involuntary responses to what was happening until he was looking Ichigo in the eyes again. He knew his cheeks were flushed and he could feel warmth between his legs again. Ichigo had straddled him as he lay on the bed and Toshiro hadn't really noticed. The strawberry was licking moisture away from his lips as Toshiro watched curiously. It wasn't as scary as he'd imagined it to be, he wasn't sure what he was expecting but it wasn't this. He expected his body to act out of control and wild. He didn't like not being in control and that was what scared him but Ichigo wasn't fully in control he was just showing Toshiro what to do. Just like the first time Toshiro had held a blade, he had to be taught how to use it, there was no shame in being taught something. After all he and Rangiku had been teaching Ichigo kido.

'You okay?' Ichigo asked and Toshiro blinked and smiled shyly up at him.

'Fine,' he muttered, 'you don't have to ask every time you kiss me.'

'Okay,' he grinned, 'your eyes just glazed over and you looked far away though so I just wanted to make sure.'

'Yes I am fine,' he sighed, 'what time is it?'

'Hmmm?' Ichigo glanced at the clock on his bedside table, 'it's well after eleven.'

'In the afternoon?' Toshiro spat, wriggling to get the giant off of him. Ichigo rolled away and let Toshiro spring from his bed.

'Yes?' Ichigo questioned.

'We should _both_ be at work,' Toshiro hissed as he flew to his wardrobe to pick out a clean shihakusho.

'Well, I don't have too, my boss is running late.' Ichigo laughed but stopped the moment Toshiro fired a warning glare across the room. Knowing better than to push it the strawberry reached across the bed for the top of his own shihakusho and quickly put it on.

'Captain?' Rangiku sighed again, 'are you not going to tell me what's wrong?'

'No I am not, do your work Matsumoto,' he scolded her and pulled another file towards him.

'But Captain,' she whined and the two of them glanced up as the door to the office slid open and Ichigo practically bounded in. Judging by his shiny hair and glossy skin he'd had time to bathe and dress into fresh clothes before starting his shift.

'Do you have any more reports for me to do today Captain?' Ichigo asked with a grin that was way too big on his face. Toshiro flushed instantly and quickly glanced across his somewhat unorganised desk.

'I um…' he lifted papers and searched and searched but there wasn't a single file left to be done other than the one he'd just pulled towards himself.

'Captain,' Rangiku shouted and Toshiro glanced up to see her watching him with massive baby blue eyes. 'Did something happen between you two?'

'No!'

'Yes!'

'Ichigo!' Toshiro snapped up at the taller male, 'don't indulge her.'

'I kissed him,' Ichigo chuckled and Toshiro had to cover his ears from her high pitched scream of delight.

'Oh it's about time, congratulations Captain I am so happy for you.'

'Don't you have work to do Matsumoto?' he scolded her again.

'No, you and Ichigo have done it all!'

'Then… go and just take the day off,' he dismissed her but she wasn't about to let in so easily.

'You're in a very good mood Captain,' she giggled, 'Ichigo would you please kiss him more often?'

'Of course,' he grinned at her from across the room.

'I will freeze the both of you,' Toshiro shouted.

'No you won't,' Hyorinmaru scolded inside his head.

'Since you're free Toshiro how about we go get some lunch together?' Ichigo asked and Toshiro shook his head wildly.

'I have this report.'

'One report?' Ichigo rolled his eyes and Toshiro swallowed, 'come now you could do it after?'

'Oh go with him Captain, heaven knows you deserve a bit of time off.' Rangikus voice had changed, it was less a few octaves lower and a little more loving.

'I was already late in today thought,' Toshiro mumbled.

'As if Head Captain will care, he's late every day according to Nanao,' Rangiku giggled and Toshiro smiled a little to himself.

'Rangiku don't you dare tell anyone,' he glanced across the table towards her and she just smiled at him.

'Of course I won't Captain,' he could tell by her voice that she was being sincere, 'I'm just glad to see you so happy.'

'I'm not that happy,' he mumbled.

'Oh yes you are, you're glowing,' she sang, her annoying voice back in a flash as she skipped from the room.

'She's right,' Ichigo chuckled as the door slid shut and it was just the two of them. 'Your cheeks are red.'

'Shut up,' Toshiro mumbled standing up from his desk, 'don't flatter yourself.'

'Flatter myself?' Ichigo chuckled, 'so I'm not the reason you forgot to put on your haori this morning?'

Toshiro wasn't sure what to make of their relationship now. It had certainly taken a turn for the more interesting. He wasn't sure how things would go but he was sure that if Ichigo continued to poke fun at him he'd use Hyorinmaru on him with or without the dragons consent.

 **XxXxX**

 **Guys I had planned for this fic to NOT include a lemon however if you want one I will add one. So please let me know in a review if you'd like this fic to remain at a T rating or if you want some lemon-y goodness.**


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